Bloody-eyed night

First short story.

I don't know where I was, but I could feel by the chills on my body that this wasn't where I should be. This is a night I want to forget but it's hard to when you've seen what I saw.

I was walking in a dark forest and I couldn't see any light around me in the distance. My body began to shiver from the darkness I was witnessing and yet I didn't feel cold at all. The wind began to blow in every direction, and as I began walking, I could hear footsteps behind me. I froze in fear knowing that if I continued walking, I would hear those footsteps again as if someone was following me in this forest. My heartbeat began to beat faster and faster as I stood there not making any movement.

Total silence filled my ears after a few seconds. I knew that I had to turn around but the fear in me was telling me to run off in the direction I'm facing. I began to turn slowly to look behind me, although the fear in the pit of my stomach was intensifying, I kept on turning to look behind. Eventually when my head was fully turned, I saw a pair of red glowing eyes with blood flowing out of them in front of me. That was when I woke up and realised it was just a nightmare.

I could still feel and hear my heart beating against my chest as I sat up in my bed. I started replaying the scene in my head once again and shivered when I remembered those pair of red glowing eyes and the blood that came out of them. I've never had such a nightmare, so I guess that's why I'm so shaken, I said to convince myself.

While I recalled the nightmare, the room became cold all of a sudden; goose bumps began to show on my skin. I hugged myself to keep myself from freezing the way the room was getting colder by the minute.

A voice began to whisper behind my door. I couldn't hear what was the voice saying but I could recognise that this was a female voice. The fear in me couldn't help but come out. Why now, I asked myself. I thought the nightmare was over, but who was I kidding, there was an unfamiliar female voice behind my door whispering.

"Who's there? Is that you Sammy? This isn't funny, so please stop all this nonsense."

The whispering voice stopped. I waited for her to respond and say she was back but something inside me knew that Sammy wasn't back home but kilometres away visiting her mother, so that meant I was home alone and it couldn't be Sammy. But who else could it be if it's not Sammy? I dove under my blanket in the thoughts of someone else being in the house.

I kept still in there waiting for something to happen. As I waited, I felt my bed getting colder. My body suddenly began to freeze from the bottom of my toes to my eardrums; in that sequence. I couldn't move at all. My body was frozen solid. I couldn't open my eyes, but even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have loved to see what my mind was showing me I would see - the red bloody eyes. My mouth was still as stone despite the coldness I was feeling; my teeth weren't chattering.

"Why are you afraid of me little one?" a cold female voice whispered into my ear.

I couldn't move a muscle to show the fear I was feeling inside my chest as my heartbeat began to accelerate to a point where I thought it would burst out of my chest.

I was like that for minutes and minutes I couldn't count as my heartbeat slowed down to a normal pace. My body felt warmer now than how it felt a while ago. I could move my muscle now. I slowly opened my eyes and saw the darkness of being under my blanket. I just lied there, waiting for the cold female voice to return again, but nothing happened. I was tempted to look outside my blanket but didn't take any chances of seeing those red eyes again.

I lied there in darkness as minutes passed by, and still no sound of the female cold voice. It must have all been in my mind, I thought to myself. What else could it be? I've never believed in the supernatural and I'm not about to start, so there's no reason to be afraid like this. My heart was telling me another story as is started racing again.

I took the chance and looked outside my blanket and met those red glowing eyes again looking right straight at me. Whatever this thing was, it had no body because how can it look down straight at me and I don't feel the weight of its body on me? Blood started coming out from its eyes.

"You thought you could run away from me little one," said the cold female voice again.

I don't know where it came from but after hearing that voice, I saw myself waking up again. I looked to my side and saw Sammy sound asleep next to me on my right. But how can it be possible to wake up and wake up again from a dream? Is this reality or am I still dreaming again? And what about those red glowing eyes and that blood; what did that all mean?

I put my head on my pillow and looked at Sammy again as she peacefully breathed in and out. Only if you knew what a nightmare I had just now, you wouldn't be sound asleep like this, I thought to myself. In that instant, Sammy's eyes popped opened and all I could see were red glowing eyes looking straight at me. As blood began to come out of her eyes, a wicked smile grew on Sammy's face, and I knew at that moment there was no way of escaping this nightmare.

Author's Note

What you think of my first short story?

Reviews

[Kuro]

I think the story itself is solid. I think you could improve your writing by making smoother transitions between first person and third person. Overall a good piece but could be improved.

[Zee Langa]

Thanks for the feedback. I'll do so.

[A.W. Carl]

Zee, for your first short story this is excellent work.

Honestly, the beginning didn't rope me in like it should. I wasn't caught up in the scene and I honestly didn't feel like I was there.

However, once out of the forest scene, it was great. I love the idea and the ending was spot on. I look forward to reading more of your stories.

-A.W.

[Usman Muhammad]

Zee, this was an awesome suspense story. Throughout the story suspense builds up quite nicely and the word "MYSTERY" seems to me as explaining itself. Your story makes me remember my all time favourite movie inception, the plot theme was totally based on that movie. One more thing you were fabulous in end ,i would say a perfect end to a story like this. My favourite line " I was tempted to look outside my blanket but didn't take any chances of seeing those red eyes again. " ,this line is true in its every meaning.
Well written, keep it up

[Zee Langa]

Thanks for the positive review man. This is the first of many short stories I'll write, so check them out soon. All the best with your writing :-)

[Usman Muhammad]

Looking forward to your upcoming stories

[Zee Langa]

Haha sure thing man.

[Patricia Stephmore]

Oh my god......... You build up suspense so beautifully Zee....I had goosebumps by the end of the story.... It will make a good read for horror story readers!!!
Please keep writing such stories!!!! It's just wonderful how you can grip the reader through in and through out!

[Zee Langa]

Thank you Patricia. It was my first story, so I thought it wouldn't touch people but I'm glad you found interest in it :-)

[Patricia Stephmore]

Do write more Zee!!! Because you have the ability to catch people in your story....

[Zee Langa]

In receiving such encouragement, how could I not. Thanks a lot Patricia.

[Patricia Stephmore]

Your most welcome! :-)

[Patricia Stephmore]

Your most welcome! :-)

[Zee Langa]

You continue writing also. I love your work ;-}

[Patricia Stephmore]

Yes sure ;-)