A Piece Of Freedom

A PIECE OF FREEDOM

I want a piece of freedom,

Is it too much to ask?

I need to break these shackles,

To throw away my mask.

It’s not the walls that trap me,

I’ll break them with my fist.

A part of me is what haunts me,

The dark, cold-hearted beast.

I need to avoid its influence.

I have to escape its claws.

It fills my mind with darkness.

It’s hidden in my flaws.

I want a piece of freedom.

I’ll fight the beast inside.

But if I lose this battle,

Forgive me for I tried.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

Your stanzas flow and rhyme well. Nicely conveyed lines. Well done.

Chris

[@_av_poetry]

Thanks Chris. Much appreciated. :)

[Robert Trakofler]

The rhyme, the flow and the rhythm is all great in this... I enjoyed! The subject of your lines is all to familiar to me the internal dialogue of rage and i like... It fills my mind with darkness.
It’s hidden in my flaws. that says a great deal of self awareness, good soul, that mask is starting to get looser

[@_av_poetry]

Thank you! Written in dark times. Everyone gets through those at some point in life.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

often we shackle ourselves...it doesn't come from without, instead it comes from within...
many of us fight this battle.
j.

[emipoemi]

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.....that is the sound of speechlessness......wow! This flows superbly well, and has a strong message to tell. We all want a piece of freedom, but only the willed will attain it. Your flaws, however are merely spelling and a couple of minor poetic ones:

- "is *that too much to ask?" ("that" lands better than "it")
- "A part of me is haunting me" OR "A part of me harasses me" (smooths out the musicality)
- "It *fills my mind with darkness" (not "feels")
- "Forgive me, but I tried" (more power in "but" than in "for")

Other than that well freaking done! Much enjoyed.