Morning Glory

This is my favorite of my poems

Let the smile rise on your face like the morning sun

May it be there not because of a force appealing to any of the senses

But it has come to be because of the movement of the Earth

And all the glory that is upon it

Feel its warmth not on your skin but in your heart

Remember this smile now friend reminisce upon it

Realize this was not a normal smile

Brought upon by such as hearing the laughter of children

No, this smile has come from something intangible

A place where words can no longer give meaning to logic

Feel yourself in this moment and you will begin to see

This was a split-second and an eternity

In which can only be explained as being exactly where you were supposed to be

A gift from the world where the entire cosmos is smiling back

Hold onto this and you can never fear the afternoon rain. 

Reviews

[zainul]

Very nice write.
Enjoyed reading.

[David Michael]

I could not help but have my attention caught by the title of this one, as it is the title of one of MY poems as well! (though a poem of very different character from this one.... part of my Nature's Dance collection). I see it's also your favorite.

Overall, this is a nice treatment of the subject, with an appealing tone to it. I could wish, though, that you would employ a bit more of the imagery that could go along with "morning glory" - as it stands, only the first line really alludes to it....... though I just realized that by "morning glory" you are meaning the same thing I mean, which is the morning glory flower. Perhaps you simply mean the glory of morning, in which case some of the following thoughts are irrelevant. But I shall share them nonetheless.

I think you could strengthen it a bit, with less words saying more. It's a bit repetitious, especially in the beginning and middle. And you're too explicit - let the poetry be more subtle, alluding to ideas, conveying them through description of the sunlight and smiles rather than exposition of its meaning.

One way, like I said, is simply to cut down on repetition. Another way is to use more similes and metaphors. Going with the flower idea, you could say in line 5 for example, "Feel its warmth flow past your petals into your beating roots", alluding to skin and heart via metaphor rather than explicit reference.

One very good thing is how original your wording is. Nothing felt cliche or common.

Otherwise, just a general strengthening of language is in order. A rule to live by: "Why say in two words what can be said in one." Another rule is to be as specific as you can. They are often combined. For instance, why say "May it be there" when you can specify how it exists, in less words: "May it shine" (and we already know where it is shining from the previous line). What extra meaning does "any of" add to "the senses"? Just say "appealing to the senses". Rather than "it has come to be", perhaps "it has been stirred by" or "it was fashioned by". And you could always specify how the earth moves. These lines come to look more like:

May it shine not because of forces appealing to the senses,
But it was conceived by the Earth's primal dance

Anyways, I do like the poem's idea, like I said, and it would be great to see what you could do with it after a bit of thoughtful revising. I hope I have not hurt you by "tearing apart" your favorite work. It should still be your favorite, and as such showcase your most careful effort!