No Returns, Only Exchanges

A Poem by golden

First post, not sure how this goes. This is about not feeling comfortable in your own skin and trying to cope with life and death through substance use. The cycle it all.

This is morning? I thought we had a deal.

This is awakening. This is… I don’t feel good.

“Hello? Yes. I would like to make a return, this doesn’t fit right.”

Strict policy. No returns, only exchanges.

F**k. Okay, then.

I’ll make a change. An ex-change. Another transaction.

Let’s see what this chemical reaction will mutate me into this time.

Tiny dragon wading in the water. I will drink you alive!

Except dragons breathe, too.

The fire burns.

That’s different.

Everyone likes this, they are all gathered around this watering hole. I like it, too.

Yeah, yeah, that’s what I say. I agree.

This is socializing.

“Hello? Yes. I would like to make a return, this doesn’t fit right.”

Strict policy. No returns, only exchanges.

Okay, then I’ll have another.

I am forming healthy, mutual relationships with those around me.

CHEERS.

This is great. But I really need to get back to getting rid of all this. It doesn’t fit right and the alterations department says they can't fix it. Please take it back, nobody will accept this used skin.

Strict policy. No returns, only exchanges.

Well then, I’ll give you this pain if you give me that one. That’s a deal!

Here’s another!

This one is for… you? Sure. I’ll agree.

I am building foundations that last a lifetime.

It’s getting difficult, you see, to see. My legs are starting to feel wobbly and I’m not exactly in control of where I’m going.

I feel a little better now.

My stomach hurts, too. I don’t think I can precisely control this nausea. If I throw up here, will you still be my friend?

There are no friends in reptilian transformations.

But you feel that now? That’s different, right?

I feel a little better now.

Thanks.

This one is for… you, dead. Insert name.

The watering hole is vacating. Nobody likes remembering the lucky ones.

I am crying. It should have been me!

Strict policy. No returns, only exchanges.

I am going to lay down here.

The whole world spins. Every organ fighting every organ.

Every dragon for itself.

I feel better now.

© 2017 golden

Author's Note

What do you think? It's a little rough, first post. Any comments are welcomed.

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Featured Review

Annette Pisano-Higley

Very profound poem, describing the plight of someone who is not able to be peaceful in themselves without using substances. Great use realistic conversation and repetition of "Strict policy. No returns. Only exchanges." to introduce the wheeling-dealing that is necessary to cope with each situation to get relief. Good work- Effective and relevant!