My Cloud Nine

i feel high and restless

is this cloud nine that i'm floating on?

i drift beyond hate and fear and fall somewhere beyond existence.

i can see my life racing past me.

i wish i could stop it.

i run past my friends to another life beyone this.

i want everything you can give me

but i want more than that.

i want what i can give myself

i know its not much

i want to know that your living happily at home

i am restless at the thought

i twist and turn and let my pain fill my heart

i gave it a place to live and now it refuses to move

i try to evict it, i even put up a failure to pay rent notice

it ingores my costant tears and my fearless begging

i have given it everything that is me

what is left that i could give you?

i wish there is more

i want there to be more

i float down from my cloud as the air surges past me

it flies right past me not allowing me to breathe it.

i'm suffering from this constant topsy turvy ride.

i want off this rollercoaster before it falls but i want to ride again after it ends.

i want to be able to shout, to cry, to live

i can when i am around you

i'm scared when i'm alone and i fear your with someone better than me

someone willing to go the distance.

and so there is my cloud floating just above me out of reach

i try to reach for it but my grasp falls short.

and then it begins to rain and i wonder if it is my tears that has fed the cloud

its a dark blue ever so gently turning gray

i'm free falling to a distant place that i can't call my own.

i fall into nothingess as my cloud contiunes to cry

i'm scared that i have fallen to far

afraid of the outcome as the cloud refuses to let up.

the rain continues and i fear i my drown in the love that you have given me.

i reach for you and you grab my hand.

the feeling of your skin burns my flesh but i smile enjoying the ability to feel

you smile back and i can see the steam rising from in between our hands

i hear the sound of thunder rolling agaisnt our future.

what if this is the end?

what if i have given you everything i can give and there is nothing more?

what if you have grown tired of my existence and now wish i were gone?

what if my cloud falls from heaven and i'm not able to rest on it again?

but your hands still holds mine as we walk even closer to the edge of the water i'm drowing in.

we are one as we fall off the cliff of eternity into a nothingness that can only bring us everything.

we are one