A Future

Something I'm very afraid of.

She sits alone in her whistling house,
stroking Guildenstern,
a cat as silver as her hair,
and places a comma where it ought to be
as she waits.
A comma – has that been her life?
A pause, a small reflection, holding back
for one more second,
the conclusion of a half-digested thought?  
Alas, it has been so, and thus she waits,
sipping the jasmine-water from her cup,
(a comfort then and still)
slowly surrendering those childish dreams of
white knights and ardent sonnets
penned for her alone,
for her,
alone.

Reviews

[Always Changing]

Wow. Talk about using your punctuation tools metaphorically. Wonderfully sad. The pause can be anticipated and while you reference to the end of dreams and release I feel that as with any comma it means that there will always be more, whether to this poem or to come, then just the words shown here. Thanks for sharing.

[Morgan Ashire]

I read this off of TitusMcguire.com. I stumbled past it when the winners for the "footsteps" contest were announced. I don't leave reviews much lately, but I just had to on this piece.

...I find this piece utterly amazing. I really do. I can't put my finger on why, but this piece is so powerful in its empty simplicity. For someone to sit back for a moment and realize that everything they have ever done, everything they have ever dreamed of, and everything they have ever worked for has amounted to nothing more than the cold useless ash in a burnt out fireplace, is horrifically incapacitating. I can not imagine the internal pain of knowing that my life work has amounted naught. This captures so perfectly, to me, that realization pushed back into the mind and guarded by the gilded bars of apathy and hope. If one does not accept this truth, then one will never have to face it, even if they are facing it, so eloquently penned, "alone." -Top Marks

[Salvatore Buttaci]

I am glad you won the Footsteps Contest!

[Charles D. Moorer]

Loneliness and regret come to life in this piece. Nicely done.

[Patient Poet (Yos)]

Thats very good, you capture the loneliness of the old people so well. I am not afried to die , but I am afried to get old and be useless, help needed... you can relate to my poem "Half life day " ,, Thanks Yos

[Rita]

Wow.

I keep finding myself wondering how the hell we think up such things, such as your use of the comma. This was so incredibly imaginative and creative.

I love it.

Great work,
R

[Kim May]

I liked this poem. Would like it even more without the last line repeated. Kim