OLD MCTRUMPY HAD A FARM

OLD MCTRUMPY HAD A FARM

A Story by alanwgraham
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A political satire

"

Old McTrumpy

 

Old McTrumpy had a farm, hee haw, hee haw, trump.

And on that farm he had some turkeys.

Hee haw, hee haw, trump.

With a trump, trump here, and a grump, grump there.

Here a trump, there a grump

Everywhere a mump, mump

Old McTrumpy had a farm, hee haw, hee haw …..

 

Gobble gobble, gobble gobble

‘Hey Turkey-John, did you hear that Old McTrumpy has called us all to the turkey barn for some important news.’

‘Yeh, I heard. It’ll be the usual Old McTrumpy gobbledegook.’

‘Look, Turkey-John he’s there now. Look at that ridiculous toupee - hair today, gone tomorrow is what I say.’

‘You wish, Turkey-Sue!’

 

Old McTrumpy stood in front of the barn door with his arms outstretched, a fake grin on his fake face, his hands waving the thronged turkeys forward.

 

‘Greeting Turkeys, you are honoured that I'm addressing such a fine flock of turkeys - don’t believe what you read in your Turkey Times tomorrow. This is a record flock here - a world record! Next month you will all be voting - all for me! Just joking - it’s a free vote. You will be voting for a great cause, a great tradition - a happy Thanksgiving. Your place in the celebrations will be assured - ha ha! You’ll all be centre platter - ha, ha!


I have called you today to share a very serious matter with you. The Trumptown Times has been spreading lies that our great friend Vladimir at the Put-Inn is spreading malicious rumours about us. All fake news!

 

The truth is, the danger is closer at hand. Our neighbours Foxy Sly and Weasel Words are plotting against our great farm. They plan to drown us in drugs and illegal turkeys. Nasty people! We’re going to build a great fence round the farm, the likes of which Trumptown has never seen.  These lunatics and lowlifes will be yesterday’s news. We'll make the McTrumpy farm great again!

 

Later that day Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue were sat in the dirt outside their coup.

‘I don’t trust Old McTrumpy’ Turkey-John gobbled.  ‘Thanksgiving! Huh!’

‘Centre stage he says, more like centre plate! We’ll be celebrating it with corn and mashed potatoes!’ Turkey-Sue replied.


‘I’d like to find out what’s going on in that skull of his.’

‘Not much if you ask me - when that mouth opens garbage is all that comes out!’

‘I know what - how about tonight we go and find out what really goes on in that farmhouse of his.’

 

Later that night.

 

Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue had wriggled up the Virginia creeper to give them a view down into the gold plated McTrumpy master bedroom. Old McTrumpy had taken off his suit and tie, and dressed only in his shorts and suspenders, was looking at himself in the mirror. He stood in the familiar pose with arms outstretched and his thumb and first finger circled. With the window open a crack the two turkeys could hear him practising the familiar mantra - ‘fake news - fake news.'

Just then, Turkey-John and Turkey-Sue's flabbers were gasted when McTrumpy put up his hand and lifted his fake ginger/blond thatch clean off his head along with the top of his skull.

'Wow, Turkey-John!'

'Geez, Turkey-Sue!'

With eyes popping out, the two turkeys could see right down into McTrumpy's head.

‘Well I’ll be darned - he’s no brain!’

Inside his empty cranium they were amazed to see a little mouse with a megaphone and other mice standing beside big levers.

As they watched, the mice with the levers pulled and McTrumpy’s arms moved. Then, to their surprise, one of the mice pulled a little lever and they could see McTrumpy's d*** rise. The other mouse lifted the megaphone and they could hear McTrumpy speaking,  It’s freezing and snowing in New York - we NEED global warming!’


‘Can you make out what these mice are wearing Turkey-John?’

‘Yes, yes - they’re all wearing these orange T shirts from Vladimir’s Put- INN.’

‘Well, shake my snoods Turkey-John.’

‘It’s all clear now - McTrumpy’s nothing but a Trojan horse!’

 

 

But that’s just a nursery rhyme - or is it?

 

Old McTrumpy has a country, hee haw, hee haw, trump.

With a Trump tower here, and a Trump tower there

With a little fib here, and a big fib there

Here a fib, there a fib, everywhere a fib, fib


With some p***y here, and some p***y there

With a little threat here, with a big threat there

With a sacking here, and a sacking there


With an air strike here, and a cruise missile there

Here a nuke, there a nuke  ............ 


Old McTrumpy has a brain  ???????

Hee haw, hee haw  ..........


ALL FAKE NEWS!


© 2017 alanwgraham



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Featured Review

You're killing me!!! I love the way your "distance" (from our current horrors) gives you the perspective to maintain a bright & sarcastic sense of humor here! We must maintain our sense of humor or we'll die fighting each other over here! Your Trumpian profile has so many delicious morsels, I can't even name them all, but you've definitely captured the ridiculousness of our current insanity. And then to deliver your message in good time for Thanksgiving, makes it all the more timely! *wink! wink!* I bounce between trying NOT to join the clamor of everyone making their statements & then thinking there must be a more original & tongue-in-cheek way to address this mess. Here, you've captured my exact hope for how to say something about what's taking our country down at the moment . . . *sigh!* I'm laughing as the tears slide down my face! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

1 Month Ago

Thanks for this crit - Trump seems to me to be fairly unique in his bufoonery but it still makes him.. read more


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Reviews

You're killing me!!! I love the way your "distance" (from our current horrors) gives you the perspective to maintain a bright & sarcastic sense of humor here! We must maintain our sense of humor or we'll die fighting each other over here! Your Trumpian profile has so many delicious morsels, I can't even name them all, but you've definitely captured the ridiculousness of our current insanity. And then to deliver your message in good time for Thanksgiving, makes it all the more timely! *wink! wink!* I bounce between trying NOT to join the clamor of everyone making their statements & then thinking there must be a more original & tongue-in-cheek way to address this mess. Here, you've captured my exact hope for how to say something about what's taking our country down at the moment . . . *sigh!* I'm laughing as the tears slide down my face! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

1 Month Ago

Thanks for this crit - Trump seems to me to be fairly unique in his bufoonery but it still makes him.. read more
A strange tale but one to make the reader think. No mean feat these days!

Posted 3 Months Ago


I've never laughed so much to a Trump joke. The face that you changed it into animals makes it even funnier. I enjoyed this little story and hopefully you write a lot more! - Elle :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

3 Months Ago

Thanks for your kind comment Elle. If we didn't laugh at McTrumpy we would cry!
Regards,
read more
this made my day !!!
i loved how this was written and its references to animals
loved the analogies great stuff

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

3 Months Ago

Thanks for reading this. It was fun writing this but of course it is about a very serious and worryi.. read more
This is the best thing ever! More...

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

3 Months Ago

Thanks Glen. Donald may not be the greatest gift to the world but he does beg to be written about!read more
alanwgraham

3 Months Ago

Thanks Glen. Donald may not be the greatest gift to the world but he does beg to be written about!read more
alanwgraham

3 Months Ago

Apologies Glen. I'm not sure why it adds that 'read more' at the end. Cheers,
Alan
Wonderfully done! I love the quirkiness. Despite being comical, many of the elements of this story seem very plausible, given the way Old Mctrumpy acts.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

3 Months Ago

Thanks Clifford. I enjoyed writing this but it is a serious subject matter.
Regards,
A.. read more
I've got to say I like this bigly. Witty and yet wise. Something Mc Trumpty aint.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

3 Months Ago

Thanks Ken. I enjoyed writing this but it's maybe too easy to write him off as a joke. It's his supp.. read more
So original! My "flabbers are " gasted" (darn predictive text won't let me write this correctly!). McTrumpy the Trojan Horse! Now all the insanity makes sense. Satirical, sarcastic, witty, wild , awesome Orwellian spoof! I wish I could say "unbelievable"- but sadly I cant...Absolute genius.




Posted 3 Months Ago


love the satire of someone who always puts his foot into it.lol highly amusing and fitting.

Posted 4 Months Ago


That turkey deserves the farm animal treatment and more. P***y-grabber, back-stabber, lying lips forever blabber--the word "incorrigible" is too weak in describing him. My family and I have felt under a dark cloud since last November. It's just inconceivable that anyone voted for him, let alone still supports him. I'm 72 % British--may I come back? Alan, thank you for ridiculing his sorry hide.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

alanwgraham

4 Months Ago

Thanks Samuel - as they say you couldn't make him up! Think twice about coming back to Britain - we .. read more

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Added on August 14, 2017
Last Updated on August 16, 2017

Author

alanwgraham
alanwgraham

Fife, Scotland, United Kingdom



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Married with three grown up kids, I retired early from teaching physics but have always enjoyed a second life enjoying the outdoors, particularly the mountains. In my mid forties I experienced a manic.. more..

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