I WOKE

The long term effects of abuse (not based on personal experience)

I WOKE

I woke …

that give-away creak on the stair, ponderous

 

I woke …

that sliver of light from the door, bleeding

 

I woke …

that whiff of stale cigarette, nauseating

 

I woke …

that weight settling on my bed, fleshy

 

I woke …

that rough hand on my arm, vile

 

I woke …

those deceiving words, cloying

 

I woke …

that … 

I woke ...

I woke ...

 

‘Hi L*****, I’m Dr ******. You’ve made this appointment because you have a problem with sleeping.  Now, I see from your form that you are fifty six. How long would you say that you’ve had sleeping problems?’

‘I’ve never been able to sleep well.’

‘Never!’

‘I did sleep well until I was eight ……….’

‘Ah! Let's talk about this L*****.’

 

Reviews

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Your stark words are deeply moving Alan, like a grimy b&w reel playing frame to frame flashbacks...sexual abuse and the aftermath of a broken soul...expressed eloquently in real time, in dreams, in destruction. Important poem and message. This plague must stop. Thank you for your words.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Annette, Yes it is a big issue and certainly bigger than we realised. It is the brave people that talk about their experiences that make it easier for others.
Regards, alan

[Ranger Kessel]

I like your style. Panic and fear. Nicely expressed in a meaningful way. I can relate. You wrote a nice poem here. Thanks for posting it. I enjoyed reading it.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for reading and reviewing. It is a very sensitive subject to write about. I was aware that many people are deeply affected by abuse.
Regards,
Alan

[Ms Paragon]

Strong imagery and a sense of waking nightmare. You touched upon a difficult theme in a delicate manner.Well done!

[alanwgraham]

Thanks, It is a difficult thing to write about.
regards,
Alan

[Lorry]

No matter if physical, there is always mental abuse attached. How many horror stories have we all heard about inhumanity to others, that always leaves a victim questioning, fearing and trapped. When you also find yourself trapped in your own mind, unable to escape the never ending questions without answers, you only fall into the downward spiral more.
Powerful piece my friend, which reminds me to be grateful there are people and organisations out there that can help.
Writing about the subject gets t out there too. It may be an uncomfortable topic for many, but it is one that has to be discussed. Kudos.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Lorry. Abuse is a horrid thing which destroys lives and by its nature is hidden.
I suppose the more we are all aware the better.
Cheers, alan

[siobhan]

Brilliant, just brilliant. Really liked this. You know it takes me back to when I was psychotically ill and I couldn't sleep, then i could sleep. It's like a whirlwind of emotions. The opening up part can be difficult, i took this as if it were a doctor. It's so frustrating to open up but there are many ways around it, if that makes sense. Keep going!

[Ted Kniffen]

One word, Alan...brilliant. Abuse comes in many forms, not all sexual. Ours was in the form of beatings, seemingly for little or no reason. Old soldiers can be tough and discipline even tougher.
Thanks for the write. Good job.

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Ted. You are correct that abuse takes many forms. We can only hope that being able to talk about it might help.
Regards, alan

[Taino]

An incredible, emotional poem about a story unfortunately that has impacted so many. Simply put and powerful in its message.

[barleygirl]

You've come up with a creative & original way to show how this prevalent tragedy manifests. Not sure of the current numbers, but it's been said that 1 out of 4 children are sexually abused. You've hit the nail on the head about how this never ends for the abused. You probably know my childhood background & I have night-time anxiety at age 61, from all those years of waiting for my dad to make his way down the hallway, raping my sisters & wondering if he would also rape me. I was lucky. I only got it a couple times a week. But just listening to their bedsprings creak & creak was still traumatizing as I waited to see what my fate would be. I don't share this to get sympathy, but to show you how spot-on you have chosen this particular imagery. Great job! Love the solidarity. Not enuf men are speaking out on this topic it seems (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[alanwgraham]

Thanks Margie. It is hard to ignore this horrible blight on our society that has such a life changing effect on so many. Its hard to know where to start! Anyway the good news is that I'm now a grandad which will be another stage in the cycle of life for us.
Well done to you for moving on!
Regards, alan

[barleygirl]

Congrats, Gramps . . . I wonder if we'll start seeing a shift to warm & fuzzy writing from you!?!?! *smile* Can't wait to see what you have to share about this new experience! (((HUGS)))

[Simba]

I too experienced this type of abuse from 10 years old and I suffer still with fear and panic and anxiety disorders but we have to choose to carry on and not let them win

[alanwgraham]

Thanks for reading this Simba. I should have added that this is not based on personal experience but you have the right attitude to get through.
Regards, Alan

[Simba]

Thanks Alan you inspired me to write a poem about my own abuse suffering it’s called you will not win feel free to read