Abandoned Sky Garden

Enough vegetation to suggest negligence;
I reside within the cumulonimbus gift
After climbing Jacob's ladder.
While in awe, on the back of this bird of paradise
I overhear the artificial's apology.
For here, there are leaves drilled by caterpillar dreams,
but they dare not tamper with the indigo petal.
She remains virgin, the lily of the nile.
I stared for so long
Unnoticed was an expanding plateau
and the gray that came.
These eyes were swollen,
but the sky wept first, hitting me on the cheek,
Tricking me, that it was I.
Tricking me to cry.

The infinite plateau went unnoticed
As indigo virgins remain.
And soaked was I from head to soul
With my tears and the rain that came.
 

Author's Note

this was written simultaneously with "nosebleed"

Reviews

[Jonhoi Vaughn]

Reading this a second time makes me swell with pride. Masterpiece. I swear.

[kevluvtory]

A colourful way of describing how the earth is being torn apart by mans greed and thirst for control..

[Emily B]

so much is about color, I've noticed it with another friend's poetry too . . . vivid, even when you don't describe the color, I still see it

cumulonimbus gifts are the color of clouds

caterpillar dreams are green

infinite plateaus are the color of reddish-stone

you give us such original phrases, that it is always a pleasure to read your work

[Adrian K. Smith]

It is not often that I find myself reading a piece such as this, as I am given more to thoughts that description; but every now and again, it is a pleasure to read something as well crafted as this. It helped, that it was easy to ride along on the varied thoughts that came easily while becoming lost in the imagery.

[Salvatore Buttaci]

The sign of a good poet is that he or she will invent new phrases like your "leaves drilled by caterpillar dreams..." I enjoyed your poem!

[luke312]

Can't tell you how much i like this great one man

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

You've left my mind in the clouds and hoping for a blue sky tomorrow when the rain and tears have both gone dry, but my own sense of hope always find a way to surface. I like poems that make me think or get me thinking and yours did just that. Sharon

[Brett Campaigne]

an excellent interplay between your body and it's surroundings. The great degree of sympathy dealt by this poem is a testament to its vivid descriptions.

[Jonhoi Vaughn]

When poems begin with a lamentation, I tend to get really nervous for the writer. But from "head to soul", the poem croons a gloomy anthem without swiveling too much into a pity parade. It briefly escorts the reader from gray to white to gray again without any confusion. In other words, instead of a muddle of emotions, there was clear transitions. This is beautifully written.

[Mr. Misanthrope]

Such a beautiful poem. I love one's which are just random thoughts stuck together, and even if they don't make any sense, it still makes one hell of an original work! The way you link each simple body function, like crying, to nature, and also such simple thoughts like clouds and flowers, really makes us think about how in 'a world so full of wonders, humans have actually managed to create boredom.'

In case you were wondering, that last quoted sentence is from Terry Pratchett's 'The Hogfather'. Lol. I love it. :)

Well done!