Girls Like Me

Girls Like Me

Don’t date girls like me.

Girls like me buy Chipotle when they only have ten dollars of spending money

left for the whole week and then throw it up in the bathroom ten minutes later.

Girls like me cover their cuts with porcelain makeup yet it’s still three shades too dark.

You don’t want to date a girl as pale as me.

We can type 65 words a minute, but you’ll hate all of them,

or you at least won’t get them. Don’t date girls like me. Girls like me will dye their hair purple

just to spite you, and then be pissed when you tell us you actually like it.

Girls like me hate the word actually. We know compliments don’t contain

the word actually. You will hate how we pick apart every sentence you say to us,

tell us we’d have gone into law had we not wanted to be a writer.

Then we’ll tell you not to tell us what we theoretical would or would not do.

And yes, girls like me do want to be writers, and poets, and strippers, and lovers,

and wives and mothers and nuns and characters in comic books and clouds and jaguars

for that matter. Girls like me are never satisfied. There’s always something

missing. You can’t please us. We are smarter than you.

We have seen things. We have experienced Stephen King novels in our own bedrooms

and Hitchcock films on college campuses. Don’t act like you understand

us, and don't dare get annoyed when we flinch when you touch us.

You have not felt the weight of the hands of someone you thought you trusted strangling

your waist and telling you everything will be fine, to just shut up and swallow your pride.

Girls like me have too much pride to let things like this happen to us,

yet here we are. Again. Don’t date girls like me.

We will call you at three in the morning. We probably had a nightmare about the trauma

again. We will hate you when you sound annoyed to be awake over this

again, but some nights we just can’t sleep, thoughts racing like the final olympic lap.

Girls like me will want to make you into a diary.

When you aren’t impressed by our interpretation of why 9/11 happened,

and tell us you just want to go back to bed, we will hate you.

We will sink into our mattresses, sweating, wide awake wondering why the person who was supposed to be permanent is fading into a cardboard cutout, a mirage,

a melting pond in spring sunlight. Don’t date girls like me. We will panic over

everything. The fourteenth time we gasp because a table nearby clanked their silverware

too suddenly, you will decide never to take us out to eat again, and that won’t really bother us,

we are vegetarians for god's sake. Why did you keep taking us to f*****g steakhouses?

Don’t date girls like me. Girls like me will pretend to love your mom,

but your mother will be the most daunting part of our day, following math class

but preceding biology lab. Girls like me are not good at biology, but

we have a certain chemical makeup that you will never recover from. It is deafening.

It will overwhelm your senses and make you believe in all the gods

you denounced when you were fourteen. you will look for us in everyone you meet.

you will remember the smell of our breath like cold october air, the glow of our pale skin

like moonbeams on teeth. You will never regain the strength it takes to love a girl like me.

We will write poems about you until your ears are throbbing from all the ringing.

Girls like me will make you feel like a reincarnated star, like Christmas morning,

like the smell of your old copy of The Catcher in the Rye, like the tart bite of straight vodka.

Girls like me will pull you out of your well and show you what living above sea level is supposed to be about. We will love you and leave you and hurt you the way you were about to hurt us

anyways. We will toss you back down the well like a coin and scream

that this is what falling out of love feels like. The wind whipping past you,

your eyes disappearing into your head as you wince, ready for the impact to hit at any moment.

Don’t waste your time with girls like me. Girls like me have already thought this all out.

We have seen the future. We have read your aura and saged the air of boys like you.

We aren’t good for anything but a story to you.

Girls like me will never apologize for any of this.

We were just being ourselves.

Reviews

[KCthelastboyscout]

Open and honest from the soul.yelling at the world from the bottom of your gut.I love reading something unique in the cafe.THIS IS IT

[Violet]

God, I can't believe how strongly I relate to this. I love the fact that there didn't seem to be any solid structure here because it made it seem really authentic. I was hooked on this from the first sentence.

[JD Hyde]

Word vomit, the good kind.
The self loathing is relatable.