26/08/2016

Fleeting Thoughts #3

Gasoline-filled lungs

and brain, heart full of clashes,

his lips were aflame

and set my skin out in flashes.

Author's Note

Reminiscing about a burning sunflower.

Reviews

[V]

Very good and interesting, entertaining images again. Though one tiny note: I think that the last line sort of pales in comparison to the other ones before, like the choice of words in your lines before the last one are more powerful...but this is not a complaint just something I noticed.. Other than that, lovely short poem.

[Alice Poésy]

Sharp eye! Indeed, the image isn't as vibrant as the ones before it. It kind of gives it a "fizzling" vibe which feels bittersweet in comparison to the intense images in the previous lines. I think it's somewhat fitting to the relationship I'm describing; how intensity could turn into such a soft pain - if that makes any sense at all...

Thanks for your feedback, Vanessa! Always much appreciated.

[V]

You're welcome. It does make sense, thx for the explanation.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and yet the sunflower much like a lover...the igniting, the burning, the afterglow, the ashes...the moving on.

j.

you are a compelling writer, my friend.

[Neville]

Well you certainly had something on your mind.
Less is they say often more and this is yet another little belter....N

[Alice Poésy]

I always do, Neville! Sometimes I feel like I can articulate my thoughts better with such shortness. More direct, I suppose. Thank you for dropping by once again! Will drop by your writings first thing tomorrow morning :)

[Neville]

No worries.........

[Karmee]

really enjoyed this piece, well written

[Alice Poésy]

Thank you so much!

[Alessander]

I like it. Very concise but full of passion and visceral.

I like the idea of lips/kisss igniting the organs.

one possible change

Instead of Gasoline filled, Gasoline-drenched?

Just a thought. Could see either working.

Nice work! Intense

[Alice Poésy]

Thank you for such a constructive review.

You know, I actually was debating whether to put it as "gasoline-drenched"; I have that phrase crossed out about 6 times on paper going back and forth between one and the other. But then I decided to keep it as "filled" because there is no sense of urgency that the word "drenched" brings, they just are. Thanks for the suggestion however! Who knows, I might come back in a few months and change it.

Thanks for stopping by.

[Asante]

I may not be able to say anything that wasn't said below, for all the right reasons.
Traits that come to mind: clarity, spaciousness, vivid direction, beautiful, short-but-sweet in essence.
I really enjoyed this enough to re-read a handful of times, letting the imagery pull me away repeatedly. Fine work you've shared with us, Alice. Great work. :)

[Alice Poésy]

Thank you so much for a wonderful and such kind words. Sometimes I do find that shortness leaves so much space for the imagination and for the reader to make it their own.

Thanks for stopping by, Sante! Always a pleasure. Will be stopping by yours again very, very soon.

[Alice Poésy]

*for a wonderful review

[Paul Bell]

Like the idea of the burning sunflower in a field of dreams.

[Alice Poésy]

That is a stunning way of putting it :). Thank you for stopping by!

[Usman Muhammad]

Wow....
This is wonderful.
Many things explained in these few lines.
brilliant writing

[Alice Poésy]

Thank you, Usman! You are always so kind and encouraging towards my writing, I cannot thank you enough.

[Usman Muhammad]

It is always a pleasure reading your writings..Just keep writing like this

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

Wow! This is, powerful, beautiful, romantic (to me) and just amazingly penned! Inspired. Just amazing! Tyfs!

[Alice Poésy]

Your comment just made me smile. Thank YOU for reading. You always leave such lovely feedback on my work. It makes me so happy :')

[Cyprian Van Dyke]

You're most welcome. I'm happy to hear it makes you happy. :)

[Rahul]

not a bad imagery. grt work.

[Alice Poésy]

Thanks for reading :)!