Writers block

My nephew committed suicide in January 2013. He was only 21 years old when he lost his faith in love and humanity. Tragically, he never found it again.

I've sat down to write about you, again and again..

Yet the emotion floods in so fast past the embankment I've built around your memory, I drown in sorrow and gasp for breath. I, yes I, the poet am at a loss for words. I try to wrap my head around the silent turmoil you must have gone through, wrap my heart around the carefree little boy that you once were, and wrap my words around the tragedy for the benefit of a release. But I sit still.  

I've sat down to write about you, again and again...

But trembling hands are unable to hold a pen. Trembling lips unable to whisper the truth about your selfishness. Angry tears fall helplessly as I think about the cocktail of hopelessness mixed with disparation you sipped on that night.. That lonely night you picked up the gun and pressed it to your temple and begged for the pain to stop. I imagine the fear, and then the peace you must have felt when the final decision was made. I seach for an angel in the room with head bowed, knowing he would have to carry you home too soon. I replay that night in an endless loop of what if's, should have's, and could have been's. But I can't stop the outcome.  

I've sat down to write about you, again and again...

I'm usually good at this sort of thing. Similies and meant to be's, metaphors and forever more's, usually flow abundantly. But not when it comes to you. You, my brother's son, a bright eyed energetic boy turned man. Who would have guessed that behind those bright eyes, lay sadness, for your belief in love slipped right through the fingers of your clenched fist. It's hard to talk about. Even now.

I've sat down to write about you again and again.. but simply can't. 

Author's Note

Very sensitive subject matter.. please leave a review if you've taken the time to read.

Reviews

[Blakprinze (Vincent J.)]

It's hard to say that from pain and loss some beauty can be found afterwards. If thats even possible, I found beauty in the emotions you poured into this piece. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope no one has to go through this again (I know optimistic). Poet ,I ask that you forgive my abrupt change from the emotion of this painful subject to these words: I love what your pen has done here

[AMarie]

Thank you so much for you comforting words and encouragement.. I'm now at peace with his decision.. I have no choice but to look at it like this, God allowed him to come home early because he was in pain and needed to be rescued. Suicide is so hard to understand, but I love your optimism. I definitely feel the same.

[Blakprinze (Vincent J.)]

You're welcome. Though I've never known anyone who actually comitted suicide I've had my experience with it (peoples attempts, people expressing a want and even my own wonder).So I've written about the subject a few times. From different angles.

[00000000000000000000000..]

I found the write very emotional, but you wrote with trueness. Very sorry to hear of this loss, I kind of understand I been rejected in society so much. Seen to many hurts and pains. I myself have even been at that bridge but stopped. Every day is a hard day none are ever easy, but with faith and mercy we can get threw.

[AMarie]

Thank you so much for your kind words, and for taking the time to review and share such personal insight. I'm glad that you have found an outlet for your own pain, and that you didn't follow threw. From what I've read, you're a very talented writer with a lot to share with the world before your end!

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Your very welcome,Poetry came as a gift for me after a car accident. Yes I am glad I didn't go threw with it. Well that made my day:))))))))))))))))

[Isabella]

Im sorry that your young nephew is gone but I can understand why.In this world people hurt others for no exact reason as far as you couldn't see it he made it that way so you don't feel his hurt...

[AMarie]

Thank you so much for your comforting words. It hard to make sense of, even if I do understand his reasoning. His life was much to short. Thank you for taking time to review!

[Edward Lancheister]

i'm so sorry about your lost, your words convey it all. many lesson could be take from this tragedy. thanks for share

[AMarie]

Thanks for taking time to read.. it's always hard to share with strangers the most intimate parts of your life. Thank you for the encouraging words.