Absorb Me

Absorb Me

A Poem by allie_arrowz
"

Cbear<3

"
Absorb me in your laughter
Drown me in your gaze
Move me with your smile
To live so many ways
To live so many ways
I choose you.

© 2012 allie_arrowz


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Well it's a simple poem and it's quite self-explanatory, but I can give my opinion on it all the same.

It's using the simple rhyimg scheme which makes it effective at getting your point across and feelings felt. It's a sweet sentiment and while the sophistication of your wording is rather subdued by the simplicity of it, the general naivety is lost when you repeat that fourth line in the fifth.

"To live so many ways." That's not something an adolescent reminisces. That's of an older tongue, someone who has seen things, lived things; of wisdom. That contrast is subtle but effective.

The last line brings the poem back full circle and neatly ties up the main point of the piece. It's a nice sentiment and a nice read, and although simple and tidy, that repetition is probably a lot more worthwhile than you realise.

I will say this now - Most of the time, in a lot of situations in life, the simplest answer is the best. You don't always need to over complicate matters. Subtlty is key.

Wesley Sneijder for Netherlands tonight, for example. Barely ran around, barely seemed to be involved. Everytime he picked up the ball he did a killer pass. Everytime he ran he managed to beat a defender. Everything he did was of the highest quality but he was ever so subtle. If it's effective, it needn't be loud.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


4 of 4 people found this review constructive.

allie_arrowz

11 Years Ago

thank you



Reviews

the first three lines were fantastic, followed by a wonderful cadence and ending that fit so perfectly..

way to go.. this was quite lovely

:)

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Lovely write. Sounds like song lyrics.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

a small fantastic poem that has so much in it.
congratulations! keep up the good work.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This could well be song lyrics - nice work

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Simple yet beautiful and full of emotion and longing. Nice.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I enjoy repetition of phrases in poems and/or stories. A short yet cute poem that seems to bring out your feelings for someone. A significant other?

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The shortness makes me think of the moment before someone lays down a long slow kiss that lasts for three days.


Nice job.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mhhhh.sweet poem

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

to live so many ways.i choose u........????? may be ithink these lines r imparting love

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


Here is a glimpse at the overwhelming power of love... to surround us... overwhelm us... truly swallow us into its fire... Nothing better in all the world than for two people to be absorbed into one, and each to remain distinct... like colors on a canvas mingled into magnificence... Love this!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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619 Views
16 Reviews
Rating
Added on June 9, 2012
Last Updated on July 4, 2012
Tags: love, emotion, life, happiness


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