Black

Your skin, your skin, I treasure it now.

Flesh, you wonderful thing, in your short decades of thriving.

I stroke your black hair from your face,

black lashes closed and long.

I know a strange ache, then.

You tell me little, unable to translate 

the void you hold inside.

In my world of light, I am immune,

but I'm knotted at the navel, pulled to you.

Do you attract what cures or kills?

Who knows the months or minutes we will live like this,

or if this silence will last.

For now, I watch as I can,

waiting for you to emerge from the dark.

For love of your sadness. 

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very interesting poem. I like the tone of this poem. Good questions in the poem.
"Do you attract what cures or kills?"
Sometime we know the ending before we start. But we must try anyway. I like the ending to the excellent poem.
Coyote

[SkinlessFrank]

i guess all we really can do is watch and wait

[Mark]

The eternal female conundrum: she needs love and reassurance, he is afraid to let his guard down. So she waits. And neither is happy. But she is not permitted to betray that fact. Startling in its simplicity, and depth.

[Bertie]

A good piece...its very hard to write about these things that are so intangible, I often try to write things like this, read it back, screw it up and throw it in the bin cause it feels cliche to me and flat, but you've succeeded here where I'm yet to...It has a lot of mixed conflicting emotion...
"I watch your sleep,
preserving the few hours you clasp, I am your guard,
posted outside your sturdy gates,
brushing the surface."
I'm very careful critiquing poems that seem to feel more personal and raw than others, but I know you'd want me to be honest, this is the only stanza that to me that I think you can cut down a bit...the rest of the poem to me speaks everything in that stanza already... I also love the way that the poem seems to deteriorate and get more bitty towards the end and I think looking at that stanza making it more pithy and direct may aid that...But these are just my personal opinions and I understand that often poetry like this is more about airing a subject just for yourself and is not something to be dwelled on but confessed just as it comes out. It is a great poem and something that I've not seen you explore before, so I very much look forward to whatever else you produce darling :) ! x

[Jasmine]

Thanks Berts, I agree with what you've said about that verse. Probably the most helpful review I've ever received. x

[Bertie]

Glad it helps love :) you've always helped my writing so I'm happy that I could return the favour x

[Ed Hart]

fathers watch their daughters bloom, and watch them sail away...life, oh life, oh life

[Robin]

I love watching flowers bloom

[Jasmine]

Thank you, Robin. That means a lot.

[Emily B]

this is exquisite

[Jasmine]

thank you so much Emily.