Fast Forward

A glimpse of High-School and the beginning of my down-fall.

As High school went on, I continued to fall into the same routine. Each year I was getting older but still not wiser. At this point in my life i believed that I could do anything in the world with no regrets or consequenses because if I asked God for forgiveness, he would forgive me. 

From this point on in my story I ask for your non-judgement in the things I am about to describe. Many of my stories that I am about to tell from my life involve a large amount of alcohol and regret. I'm incredibly ashamed of many events that have happened in my life so far. However, blocking them out of my mind would be a lie. In order for me to realize that I need to change my ways I have to face the facts. This is who i became.

I kept partying and going to church through out High School. I joined a group called Young Life. A Christian based group of people who would get together on Tuesdays and watch funny videos, do funny skits, provide a friendly, comfortable environment for teenagers as a substitute for partying. This is where I met Heshy. I had dated other guys before I met Heshy but none of them seemed to make any impact in my life until he showed up (Could be because I lost my virginity to him). He was kind and funny. The kind of guy who could light up a room just by entering it. He had a small speech impediment which added to his charm. Everybody liked him and I completely understood why. 

The first time we actually hung out together was on a "double date" with two friends of mine who were already interested in eachother. Heshy kind of tagged along because his friend told him to do so. We ended up making-out and going to first base the first time we met. (sleezy?). After that we were pretty much inseperable. All the spare time that I had, was devoted to him. He was really into Skateboarding (and as far as i know, he still is.) Which took up most of his time besides school and work. Since I had so much on my plate I didn't mind that he went skateboarding all the time. Things with Heshy were good. We made eachother laugh and he helped me through many family issues that I had. My dad would frequently yell at my sister and I. If he was having a bad day, it was our fault. My mom would warn us before he got home. "Your dad had a bad day today girls so go upstairs to your room and try to stay out of his way." My mom is incredibly passive. Like the typical house wife. She was always working, cleaning, cooking and doing anything to make sure that my Fathers happiness came first.

On my 16th birthday I was excited and anxious. Wow! 16 years old! It felt so old at the time.. I look back now and laugh to myself because at age 22 i'm still not "old". I'll never forget this birthday. I had just got back from a ringette tournament where our team came in first place and won a gold metal! I was excited to tell Heshy the good news. Later that night we met at our friends place to have a few drinks and hang out. When i got there he took me into the washroom and told me that he had kissed a girl name Melissa while i was out of town. 

My heart was broken. I was sad, angry, and drunk. Thinking back on it now, it was just a kiss! but at that time in my life I hadn't experienced all of the things I have now. I yelled at him and hit him where it hurt. I told him that "I understood why his dad didn't want to be around him." I told him he was "a peice of s**t". I called him everything I could think of, and i regret saying all of it to this day. 

We tried to continue seeing eachother after that, but I couldn't bring myself to trust him. He couldn't truly be happy with me constantly baggering him about where he was, who he was with and why he was there. It wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to me so we ended our relationship, or so i thought.