We're Back

 Chapter 1: We're Back

 

"Desiree.” The husky voice was so soft, it sounded like chimes in a meager breeze, just enough to wake me. I was always a light sleeper.

            My senses had finally come back to me, I could now feel the vibration of the car, hear the low muffle of the radio, and soft snoring coming from the back seat. June got that from me, cars can put us both right to sleep. June was my 8-year-old little sister.

            “Ay Hun, wake up.”

            A big but gentle hand squeezed my shoulder, and I opened my eyes. Looking to my left I saw my dad, he was driving, his left hand placed lazily on the wheel. He was talking about something, but I was way too disoriented to comprehend it. He realized I wasn’t with him and waited.

            “We’re here bud. Old Northville Adirondacks!”

            A smile cracked on my face as I was already rolling down my window. I stuck my head out and took a huge whiff. Maybe a little bit dramatic of a whiff, but it was my favorite smell of all smells, fresh pine, campfire, the mountain air… the kind of air that isn’t intoxicated by factories and car exhaust. My dad gave a low chuckle from my response.

            I swiveled my body around to the back seat to wake up June, but she already had woken herself up. Her head was out the window too; her ivory skin and caramel brown hair was touched by the mid-day sunlight, her curls fell loosely against the bright sunflower dress mom made her wear before we left. Some pieces whirling in the wind while she squinted out.

            As tradition we go up to the Adirondacks every summer, just like my dad did with his two brothers and younger sister. My grandpa built our log cabin when my dad was a baby. It was surrounded by a small bit of bare land, the rest blended into a deep forest. I could picture it in my head now as I leaned on the window. I could see the narrow dirt driveway as we always pulled in towards the house and the small grill that was placed on the near side, it never moved.

            The village of Northville is very small, with a population of only around two thousand people. Most of them being old hunters, or bikers, and occasionally the average teenager. There is one high school here, and there many kids in it. Maybe not even half as much as my high school back in Burlington, Vermont. But I liked it, it’s probably nice to be able to know everyone in town, and it’s not like there is any worry of danger… The worst danger anybody can get around here is bears.

            Once I got out of my head I noticed familiar sights, like the small movie theatre that only held two different movies a time. You might mistake it as a drug store, but then you see the movie posters of what’s playing. I glanced at the town’s ice cream shop as we turned on Mint Tree Road. I was happy to be up here, it was calm, peaceful, and beautiful. I felt dad slow the car down to get into the drive way as our cabin popped into view. The wooded logs peaked through the trees that blocked it on the side. When we were parked I took a humungous stretch and stepped out of the car, startled by almost making a face plant- I discovered my foot was dead asleep.                     

            “Ow.” I muttered, lifting my leg up slightly to relieve it from too much pressure. June came around from the back of the car and looked at me with her eyebrows pulled down in confusion.

            "What are you doing?" She asked giggling at my awkward standing position. I looked at her; she was looking up at me with half a smirk on her face.

            "My foots asleep, and it’s hard to walk at the moment." I sort of limped up the front steps onto the porch and saw the "Scott Family Cabin" sign above the door as usual carved in to a polished piece of wood.

            I walked through the thick wooden door into our half kitchen, half living room. The space was very wide and I loved how it was open. I just didn’t like that there was only one floor, because in the morning you could hear everyone who was already awake while you were still trying to sleep in.

You could hear everything. The washing of the dishes, and the obnoxious clinking of pots and pans, the spurts of laughter June would make and then the following Shh! from mom or dad.

            As I viewed the large room it was as if I never left last summer, the same deer head was nailed up on the wall above the television, and the same round little table, with the apple tablecloth. The pins and badges my grandpa collected from everywhere were pinned onto the wooden logged walls, the tapestry couch that was so warn you’d sink down to the springs if you laid there for too long.

            My favorite piece in the room was the old fashioned 60's fridge that looked a little out of place. I adored the inside of this room. It had the warm cozy feeling of family and also that edgy hunter vibe.

            I started dragging my luggage to my and June’s room. We had always shared this room since she was born. And mom and dad would always get the other that was next to us.

            June ran past me to get to the bathroom, but then she stopped herself abruptly, making her limp curls swing.

            "Daddy, did you turn the water on?" She shouted, her hands cupped over her mouth as if she was calling birds.

            He had just walked through the door, "I did just now Hon, go ahead."

            My dad's name is Paul, he is a very rugged looking guy, he looks intimidating to strangers, but the people who know him know he is a certified softie. He's the kind of person you'd dread to see sad, because he’s got too gold of a heart to deserve to be that way. And when he is angry, it is shocking because it’s really rare for him. I only saw him that way once when I was about 7, when he screamed at the little boy next-door who dragged me by my hair on his front lawn because I didn‘t give him my rock collection. That boy didn't get near me after that.

            You can always catch my dad wearing plaid cotton shirts, and regular old t-shirts. His hands are always dry and as tough as alligator skin, and he has the classic brown hair, short, and a little like he just rolled out of bed. He has a goatee and mustache to match, deep brown eyes that he gave to June and me, and a slight belly from maybe his diet, since he has a thing for sweets.

            I helped him bring in the rest of the bags, and then went to the bathroom to put away my toiletries. I went to the large mirror to check out my hair, which was drastically windblown from the wind of the car ride.

            My hair, was lighter than June's and my dad’s. It’s like my mothers, strawberry blonde. It was more red than blonde, almost like a coppery color. I grew it out long, right to the middle of my back. I always had it natural, in loose uneven waves. Some twisted in different directions, it was never proportional. I guided my bangs lightly off to the side so they weren’t falling in my face.

            June and I looked strangely similar but also so different. We both have freckles, which was a trait from our mom. But I received my dad’s eyes, and squarish jaw. Everything else of my appearance is almost a replica of my mom, the same ivory complexion, with a natural blush around the cheeks. June had no blush, she had a heart shaped face, like mom did, and everything else for her was like dad.

            "Hey, I’m going to have dinner ready in about a couple hours, why don’t you two go down to the lake and enjoy the fresh air, okay?"

            My dad was looking at June and I while we were unpacking, leaning against the doorway. We agreed and went out to walk down the dirt road to the small beach where the Great Sacandaga Lake was, racing each other down to the water. The sun was close to setting, giving an orange aura to the sky as it reflected on the still water. This beach had never been crowded, although it was a decent beach, but here, nothing was crowded, so it made sense.

            Juni took off her sandal and dipped her dainty big toe into the water, as it made ripples of circles spread.

            "Oh! It's freezing." She looked up at me with wide eyes. So I thought I'd check out the temperature too.

            "Woo your right.”

            We both buried our feet in the sand away from the ice cold and talked about what we should do for the summer we were staying up here, we decided on a lot of hiking, going to our favorite ice cream shop, go out fishing, canoeing, play some beach volleyball and baseball at the towns closed school. Sometimes kids would join us, they were younger than me though, maybe fourteen or thirteen. I was close to seventeen soon. It was June 20th today, and my birthday is in August.

            Dad cooked us a really good meal when we came back from the beach. We had barbeque ribs with scalloped potatoes, and after we all played a few card games, June was told to go to bed at ten, and I stayed around with dad till eleven, I wanted to lie down and try to get to sleep. I went into our room where the queen-sized bed was that we always shared. It had a brown and pink quilt on top with matching pillows. The walls were built with the large wooden logs like the rest of the house. There was one dresser and a small walk in closet. Juni had always got the dresser, when I would have the closet. I can't stand folding clothes. I'm not good at it. My mom would always yell at me when I folded her laundry, so now I just do my own. She taught me so many times how to do it, but I never seemed to get it right.

            I wish my mom was up here with us, it felt weird that she wasn’t here; the whole cabin felt like it was unbalanced. My mom Diane has a very animated personality, but it’s also very sassy and playful. I can see so much of her spirit in June… June was the same way. My mother got caught in work; her boss needed her extra because it’s getting hectic at the hospital. She's a nurse, and she helps deliver babies from the mothers who are in labor. Some of the other nurses had already claimed vacation, and my mom was stuck. I felt really bad for her, because she loves it up here just as much as the rest of the family, and she couldn't come. We insisted to stay home for her, but she made it a big deal that she wasn’t going to keep us from our fun. Dad sure misses her I bet. They are very close; it’s one of those loves you feel when you see them look at each other. It's something I’ve always hoped to have.

            When I settled down into bed with June, we were both laying in bed in complete silence in the complete darkness. I wonder if Juni was asleep...

            "Desi?" I heard her little voice whisper. It was like she read my mind.

            I turned around to face her, "Yah?" I whispered back.

            "Are you tired?"

            "Not really.”

            I heard her giggle. "Not at all!" Her smiling face lit up; it was still so cute even in the dark.

            "Hmm…" I was thinking of what we should do with ourselves, staring into the black hole of what the ceiling looked like. "Want to play a game?"

            I felt her glance at me. "What game?" Even though she asked I could tell she knew exactly what I was going to say.

            "The song game of course.”

            Her eyes widened with excitement. "I love that game! Yah let’s play it!"

            The song game is this game we would usually play if we were bored at night. Not a very creative name, but it worked. To play, someone has to start singing a song, and then the object for the person listening is they have to grab a word from the song and start singing another song that has that word in it. We played that for maybe 10 minutes, singing from one of me and June‘s favorites, "Fool in the Rain.” by Led Zeppelin and somehow to "Singing in the Rain". Our singing got softer and softer till we eventually couldn't keep our eyes open anymore.

 

            I felt the warm morning sun breaking through the window, blanketing over the side of my face. I squinted, irked from the light I was about to pull the covers over my face and sleep longer, but I could smell bacon coming from the kitchen. Grudgingly, I walked into the kitchen and saw it was 8:30. Juni I saw first through my blurred adjusting vision at the small round table eating toast and eggs.

            "Morning bud, I’m almost finished with your sunny side up, take a seat, it's almost finished." I saw dad at the stove with a spatula in his hands flipping my eggs. How lucky I was to effortlessly go to bed with a delicious meal in my stomach and wake up to a nice breakfast, already almost made right when I walked through the door. My dad is such a good cook; I don't know how he enjoys it so much. I could make stuff as long as I read the directions first. He just easily goes through things like he doesn't need someone else’s knowledge of it. I guess that’s what makes a great cook. Mom is lucky, because she can't cook for anything. I pictured her without my dad and laughed to myself, seeing her micro waving macaroni and cheese with a hopeless frown on her face. I sat at the table next to Juni and eyed her bacon. She looked at me with her eyebrows up.

            "Hungry?" she teased. Then she purposefully wagged her bacon in front of my face and bit her bacon with a provoking snap. I gave her teasing stink eye while dad placed the plate in front of me. This was ridiculous. I am almost 17 years old and I still get served like I’m June's age. It wasn't my fault though; he hogs the stove, and enjoys it too much.

            "Hey daddy, what are we doing today?" Juni asked while food was in her mouth.

            My dad was putting the pan in the sink while he said, "I'm thinking we could go out down town and check out what’s new in the shops. Get some stuff for the cabin." Juni moaned with disapproval.

            "Hold on let me finish! Then I think we should go hike up Mt. Marcy." He looked at us waiting to opinionate.

            "Yah let’s do it, I’m in." I said. I was very excited for today.

            "Yah! I love hiking.” She bit her toast and swallowed. “It’s so pretty up top."

            Juni and I got changed. I put on my plain white v-neck t-shirt and my old jean shorts. I kept my hair down, but brought a hair tie just in case. Then last, I slipped on some sandals. We then headed out and got into dad's 2005 red Chevy truck. June was in the middle between dad and me. We were driving through the curvy road and we broke through where down town was. It was then I realized he pulled into a parking lot full of cars with prices marked on them with neon green.

            "What are we doing here?" I asked, very confused.

            "It’s about time you got yourself a car, babe."

            I couldn't believe what he was saying. Yes I did really need one, but I never mentioned that to him. I didn't want to put a hole in his wallet at all. I was determined to pay for it myself.

I began to protest.

            "But dad I-"

            He cut me off. "No, no Hun don't worry about it, I want to buy you your new car."        I didn’t like this, like he hasn't done enough for me already.

            The thing about my dad was he gives too much, and when he receives he doesn't think he deserves it. He's the kind of guy who will argue with you for 10 minutes that he is going to pay for the meal at the restaurant. So I knew there was no point in fighting with him.

            "Oh…Okay fine, if that makes you happy." I said sounding defeated.

            "Desi, you’re going to get a car! So you can drive me around in your own car! This is so cool!" June was looking at me with a bright excited face. I then decided to be cheery for my dad; he wanted me to be happy about the surprise. And I was, he just is too damn nice all the time, it makes me feel guilty.

            "Alright, let’s go look around huh?" I said more excited, and I meant it.

            "Okay, let’s go!" He said. I could see his smug face after winning the battle. The pathetic little battle I pointlessly tried to win.

We walked around and looked around at the used cars... nothing seemed to catch my eye.           I was waiting for something to pop. I didn't want anything fancy; I wouldn’t feel comfortable in something like that. Then there it was, I felt like it was screaming my name. I jogged over to it while I heard dad and Juni's footsteps follow. I turned around to my dad with wide eyes and an open mouthed smirk.

            "What about this one?” I asked, not expecting anything from him. It was my favorite color. It was a 2004 yellow Jeep Wrangler. There was some rust on the grill and it showed some age, and the tires were still coated with dry dirt, but it gave it character. The price marked on the window was $3,000. I didn't really know the good price and bad price range for cars. So I just waited on my dad.

            "That’s a good deal kiddo! Man, you couldn't have made it easier on me."

            I was really happy all of a sudden. This amazing car might be mine? We later discussed with the sales man and he ended up selling it to us. I was to pick it up tomorrow at 3 they said. When we got back in the car it was noon.

            "Dad, thank you so much for this, I really appreciate it, really I do." He put his arm around Juni and me with that same hand on the wheel.

            "Now don't get started on that, you really needed a car, and you deserved it Hun, you're a good kid."

            I gave him a quick look of appreciation, and he smiled back and leaned over Juni and kissed me on the forehead, then he kissed Juni on the head since she was shorter.

            "Are we still walking through town?" Asked Juni, without any sign of looking forward to it. She must really want to go hiking.

            "Yep, I need to run some errands. You two can look through the little shops while I go to get groceries, if you'd like."

            I nodded and he pulled over to the curb, where all the shops were and told us to be careful and call him on his cell if we needed anything. Juni and I hopped out.

            "See you soon."

            “Bye dad." I said. June gave him a wave and I shut the door.

            I walked holding Juni's hand as we strolled down the street.

            We both decided to go into the souvenir shop. The door was already opened on a doorstop, as we walked in we noticed there were only two other people that were inside.        They both looked up quickly at the sudden entrance. There was one old man with a white and gray beard hunched over reading "Adirondack Life" Magazine through his big glasses by the stock of magazines. The other was at the register obviously an employee. He was pretty tall, about 6'2. And his skin was tanned, a caramel kind of tone. His hair was medium length, and a dark brown color. He looked around my age, kind of, and extremely, hopelessly bored. This place must be slow when it came to business.

            I walked around with June and we looked at the sweaters that had "Northville" sown on the front with a moose. Some had deer and bears too. Juni tore apart from me and looked at the stuffed animals, the jewelry is what drew me, and it was so pretty. One was a thin choker kind of necklace and it had that Native American style beading to it. All of it was beading, with all these different colors creating a picture of an eagle spreading its wings. I examined it in amusement. I could feel the old man staring at me, and then at June. He clearly hasn't seen too many young girls walking around here.

            "Can I help you with anything?" The boy said, he was the one who was behind the counter. The sudden noise in the too quiet room made my heart jump. He had a tone of surprise in his voice.

            "Oh, um no thank you. We're just looking." I gave a polite smile and turned back to the jewelry.

            His voice was kind of like my dads, he has that matured manly sound like he does.

I really wanted a necklace... I felt for my pocket and realized I had money on me.

            "Actually," My voice sounded so loud in the silent room, I got startled again.

            "I would like to know how much this necklace is." I looked up at him while I was still holding the necklace hanging on the spinning rack.

            "That’s 6.99." he said. I turned to June and saw her cuddling and petting a little stuffed bear.

            "And that bear over there?" I asked breaking out into a small laugh at the end of my sentence. I threw my thumb over my shoulder pointing to June who was across the small room.

            "Those 'Mountain Buddies' are 4.99 each." He said with an amused smirk.

            I pulled out my money and counted. I had just enough. "Okay, we'll get these then."

            I gave him the money and called June over to give him the bear. He put it in a bag with the necklace and handed it over to me.

            "Thanks a lot for stopping by, have a nice day." He said giving a polite smile, I was glad to give him something to do besides lean over the register, his head rested on his hands and mouth hanging open. I returned his smile and left before I started feeling more uncomfortable from the old man still glaring at us being the only point of action in the dull room. I held her hand again as we went outside.

            "Thanks for getting Bo the bear for me Desi!" She said while taking it out of the bag and holding it close like a football.

            "No problem Juni, you already named him huh?" I looked down at her, with a 'kids right?' kind of expression.

            "Yeah, I thought Bo the bear was perfect! ‘Cause Bo is like a fat kind of name and he’s got a big belly." She made her voice very dramatic at the 'big' part.

            "Cool." was all I could say. I felt a sudden vibration on my upper part of my leg. I realized it was my phone in my pocket. I took it out and answered it.

            "Hello?"

            "Hey Des, I'm on my way to come pick you two up, where you at?" It was dad; I could notice that voice anywhere.

            "Um..." I turned around and read the shop sign behind us. "We are right in front of Patty's Pastries." I could actually smell the cakes from outside.

            "Ok, see you two in a bit."

Juni and I sat on the curb waiting for our father; the sun was warm, with a nice gentle breeze.

 

A perfect day to hike.

Author's Note

Feel free to give ideas,tips and corrections :)

I'm spontaneously writing this.

**And... if no body notices, there is foreshadowing hidden in this chapter, tell me if you think you found it!

Reviews

[The Lit Wit]

(The Foreshadow: …and it’s not like there is any worry of danger… The worst danger anybody can get around here is bears. Combined with: A perfect day to hike.)

Before I start my critique, I have a few words to say.
First, I review the flaws in writing. I think that it is often better to know what not to do in writing because most don’t even understand or realize that a mistake has been made. It is quite difficult to analyze one’s own writing, almost like the idea that a doctor can’t knowingly operate one his or her close family.
Next, I try to be brutal. I mistrust reviews that are “nice” and compliment the writing without actually giving any decent advice.
With that out of the way, I have some revisions you might wish to consider.

The Opening:

You used dialogue in the form of a single word, with this word highlighted by a larger size than the words following it.

The larger text is not my area of expertise, but I did think that the quality of the hook improves when emphasized by this size difference.

However, I suggest caution when dealing with dialogue, especially when it is one character calling out the name of another. It has been done enough times that the reader tends to be a little put off by seeing the same hook repeated the same way. Dialogue in general is also something to avoid as an opening under some conditions, simply because it is difficult to capture the reader’s attention without causing a mass confusion as to what is going on.

A few good examples of an effective opening:

“Men are animals. It is no slander to say so, for only by the skilful application of all his faculties can a mere human evoke that creature within whose senses are sharper, whose heart is truer, whose mind is wiser.”
-“The Company Of Glass” By Valery Leith

“My wound is geography. It is also my anchorage, my port of call.” –“The Prince of Tides” By Pat Conroy



Basic Help With Opening:

http://ezinearticles.com/?Hook-Your-Reader-from-the-First-Sentence---How-to-Write-Great-Beginnings&id=866806

http://research-writing-techniques.suite101.com/article.cfm/9_great_ways_to_capture_a_reader

Nine Great Ways to Begin a Novel: Hook a Reader with Techniques from Great Writers
http://research-writing-techniques.suite101.com/article.cfm/9_great_ways_to_capture_a_reader#ixzz0e3EKdWNQ

First Paragraph:

“The familiar but husky voice was so soft it sounded like it was carried along with a light breeze.”

I see what you’re trying to say here, but the way it’s written makes the reader stumble. You could assume that the air carried his voice to her. I don’t understand how a softer breeze would change the tone or pitch of his voice. He talks softly or loudly independent of the wind.

You could also drop the word “familiar but” as it works a little better without this. The other sentences too could be cut and arranged as they tend to carry more words than what you need.
Maybe re-word this opening to:

“His soft voice tickled her awareness like chimes in a meager breeze. Just enough to wake me. I was a light sleeper.”

Basic Sentence Structure Help:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm
"Never use a long word where a short one will do. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.” ~George Orwell
“Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.” — “Elements of Style” By William Strunk Jr.
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~E.L. Doctorow
“Authors who never give you something to disagree with never give you anything to think about.”
~Michael LaRocca
This is all I have to suggest for now. I think it’s enough, but I can always go sentence by sentence if you need it.
~Melinda

[Coyote Poetry]

The story is very good. I like the conversations and the detail about the house and the people in the story. I shall read on.
Coyote

[Nickle]

o i forget to add some stuff lyss....
I noticed that u added some of ur own life into the story...very nice
and what movies u wrote about...typical lyss lol
and the fact that her dad bought her car for her......wish that was reality lol

[Nickle]

i finally finished ur long freakin chapter lyss....its rlly good but as if u didnt already know, u have some errors with the grammar and i did see the forshadowing lol......seems like its going to be interesting :)

[17thWhitePrince]

Awesome !!! WoW !!! You did such a wonderful job !!! I'm amazed !!! WoW !!!
It was so interesting and such a blast to read !!!
It really was !!!
WoW !!!
Did you go to a place like that before ???
Have you ever seen somewhere like that previously ???
WoW !!!

There was also quite a few lines I liked in this story ... namely,
"I immediately rolled down my window, stuck my head out and took a huge whiff. Maybe a little too dramatic of a whiff, ..." That was so funny !!! I can imagine that !!! I myself do that on ocassion !!! hahaha

Then there was the use of the word "humungous" ... I use that word many times actually :D yeahhh :)

Also this line touched me ... "They are very close; you can feel the love they share when they look at each other. It's something i've always hoped to have." ... WoW that was so well said there ... Very impressed indeed !!!

And finally these lines ... I can so relate to these lines ... " 'Hungry?' she teased. Then she purposefully bit her bacon in that same teasing way. I rolled my eyes while dad placed the plate in front of me. This was ridiculous. I am almost 17 years old and I still get served like I'm June's age." ... my younger brother does that to me so often ... I mean really ... haha :) ... I so can relate :D

Overall ... WoW !!!
A Great Piece Indeed !!! Just Beautiful !!!
Looking Foward To The Next Chapter !!!