Introduction Into My Life

I tend to withdraw, retreat, into the safety of my mind where I attempt to mentally prepare each day for the embrace of this world. I generally tend to feel comfortable, at home, within my own realm of thought. However, the problem with me is that although I am comfortable with my inner thoughts, I struggle with being content and happy with my emotions. Not only my emotions, but my need to finding a place for myself in this world. Although I will always recommend and give advice, I am reluctant to asking for help. I tend to exclude myself, in order to feel less.
I am sensitive, but I shade my emotions around others. I tend to adapt an attitude, or intellectual ignorance feelings... Which isn’t the smartest habit considering it creates distance between not only others, but myself as well. I am what you could call restrained when it comes to emotional explanation; expression. I always have stronger feelings than what I let on, or will even tell you. No one has ever scratched below my surface, for i’ve gained a exaggerated need for privacy because of this. No one knows what goes on inside of my mental, and for this i’ve faced myself with a deep seated fear of intrusion.
With my fear of intrusion, I always find myself looking to find comfort within another person. I feel as if I can get my emotions to increase in a happy manor. With this being said, it is still grueling at first to be in love. Even the thought of love is exotic; petrifying. I fear that if I let someone in, not only will they somewhere down the road make me regret it, but they’ll also use it against me. I often times cannot bear the thought of love, because I fear that my own inner thoughts will cause destruction between us. At some point the love will be so rich that I will not only be overwhelmed with my own emotions, but theirs as well... I simply do not know how to find the balance between our emotions, so I become miserable.
If I happen to fall completely for a friend or companion, despite what I had said about becoming overwhelmed, the other persons inner thoughts and emotions tend to come before my own. Sometimes, being lost in others thoughts help distract and distance me from my own.
Now, just because I am not comfortable with my emotions doesn’t not mean I am embarrassed by my social skills. I am in fact, quite seldom comfortable with my social skills. When I can manage it I am not only a devoted friend, but a loyal companion as well. I am beyond great with listening to other people extract their feelings.
Lastly, one of my most shellac flaws is my continual thought that life will somehow demand more from me than what I can manage; deliver. Though, with this flaw I have learned to tame and deal with it by developing a minimalistic lifestyle. I make limited demands, in hopes for getting little to no demands in return.
If you are still reading, I apologize for rambling. I have been trying to state one thing this whole time. Simply, the language of emotion is not native to my tongue and feelings do not get brushed over. I am compilcated, but beautiful at the same time. You will never find another me, I can guarantee you that.

Reviews

[AlinaTheCacti]

Not exactly a Poem like the other person said (Perhaps change the category to a story?)

But well written :)

[sette]

WOW IT WAS NOT RAMBLING BUT JUST THE TRUE YOU WANTING EVERYONE TO KNOW. KEEP ON WRITING AND KEEP ON EXPRESSING YOURSELF LET YOUR WRITING HEAL YOU IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.

[G.W. Saitreux]

This is not a poem by any definition.