A Battle Within

Not sure how to describe this without giving too much away, but I think the title does a good job of hinting at what I've written about

It’s like I’m two different people.

I feel like an adult, but I’m still a child,

I lost my innocence, yet I’m still innocent.

I have crushes again, but my mind tells me everyone is bad,

That no guy has good intentions.

I fall too easily,

Because every guy knows exactly what to say to get a girl’s attention.

 

You question everyone’s intentions,

You second guess and over analyze everything a guy says,

Because your heart is too fragile to get broken again.

 

Why is it all a game?

A game of ring around the rosie,

Sick kids spinning in circles until they “all fall down.”

A game that’s fun and exciting until you realize the meaning behind it.

That’s the adult part of me,

I’m mature and recognize everything that is wrong with what kids are doing,

The games aren’t fun for me anymore.

 

My childhood ruined by him,

My innocence now gone.

An adult on the inside and a teenager on the outside.

It isn’t fair,

To have been forced to grow up at 15,

To have to have walls up all the time,

When all I want to do is have fun and be young and rebellious.

 

The worst feeling is liking someone,

And knowing you can never tell them

Because if the feelings were mutual,

You wouldn’t be able to act on your feelings.

These are the times you really feel like your past defines you.

Everything you do and say contradicts what you actually want to do and say.

You’re stuck living the life you’ve been forced to live,

Instead of the one that you would have chosen for yourself.

Reviews

[Onlyme]

I agree the teenagers grow up far to quickly nowadays. And zoom up the fast lane to sex. Thinking it's the bees knees to do. But ultimately they are dissatisfied and feel rejected and hurt and used and abused because the girls gave in to the guys demands. And the guys wanted to do it. To prove they where a man. When, really they are still kids. And to tell their male mates they did it. To show off. How sad. That reality is just making kids. Grow up way to fast. Instead of just enjoying life and the simple pleasure of snogging and cuddling. Instead of constantly. Sex and babies. At such a young age. It nice to see if from a young person view who has sadly felt the pressure to perform. And realize they miss just being young and immature and innocent. The modern pressures of the young. Amaya I feel for you sweetheart.

[John the Baptist]

Although it doesn't say it in so many words, this offering appears to be from one who was sexually assaulted in her early teens and is still feeling the effects of that tragedy. No mention of PTSD is made, but that is a possibility. There is a definite crippling of the ability to trust, and therefore of the openness to new relationships, even though the desire is there. One hopes that time and treatment will provide healing, and that the future will not be lost.

[Amaya]

This is precisely what I was writing about, I'm glad you were able to catch that. And yes, with time and treatment, things will get better. Thanks for reading and reviewing :)