naked feet

I have a lot of love/hate poetry. This is one of my top personal favourites of all time.

i didn't hear it coming
sneaking up behind me
on naked feet.

i didn't know what was
waiting in the dark
when i curled up
and went to sleep.

i didn't smell the
predator crouching
in the closet
in the forest
or the back seat of my car.

i didn't pay attention
to the rustling of the leaves
the hot breath
on the back of my neck
and the soft thud
at the foot of my bed.

i didn't see a thing

i didn't hear it coming
sneaking up on me
a baseball bat in hand
till i felt
the wood slam into my skull
the bones snapping
like peanut brittle the
taste of copper salt
and blood
i swallowed when i
tried to scream
wrenching the air out
of my lungs when
a naked foot
connected
with my ribs
i thought
this is what it
feels like
to
die.

i didn't see love coming
till it clubbed me
over the head.

Author's Note

I still think this one is romantic, in its own weird way.
http://blog.oneplusinfinity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/barefoot.jpg

Reviews

[Matt Sayer]

Wow! The tension escalates perfectly, from frightened confusion to concrete fear to corporeal pain. The structure and flow serve as much as the words, and the second-last paragraph really conjures the panic-stricken cacophony of suffering. The last paragraph casts a completely new light on everything that came before, and left me with a smirk of revelation I did not see coming at all.

Love can bleed and bruise as hard as any physical weapon, and you have wonderfully portrayed that here. Great work :)

[Lyn Anderson]

Sometimes I write something I just love and everyone looks at me like I have an extra head growing out of my shoulder. This is one of those poems non poetry people look at with confusion and think I need a straight jacket - but it will always be one of my favourites. Thank you. Your perception and evaluation are exactly what is intended in this piece.

[LastMonth]

Oh wow.
I'm here for the contest of mine I'm doing--
Usually I keep the thought about the twist to the end and first review.

But man you caught me off guard there.
That's a darn good twist.

Stay tuned.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks, I try. I love this poem. It is hands down one of my faves.

[redflutterby]

Can I say that this is an amazing write and one of my favorites of yours??? Well I just did...lol!!! Wow!!!!

[Lyn Anderson]

Yes you can and thank you.

[Chris]

Another perception to appreciate... thanks.

[Lyn Anderson]

Hey. Thanks for stooping in.

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Yep that is exactly what it does to you isn't it? Man I wasn't expecting that...here i was thinking this is going to end badly..getting myself prepped for the harsh pain of a brutal attack, but i guess that is what love is sometimes... that club right over your head...that swift kick in your gut, that wtf just happened to me feeling of dizzy confusion, the world spinning, knowing your going down and unable to do anything but experience the fall. You really are amazing at this, fantastic work.

[Lyn Anderson]

We all have our favourite piece. This is mine. Though the man is long gone the poem remains.

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Those are always the best ones...those poems that stick with you even when the love perhaps doesn't. Loved this one, a really freaking amazing write!

[Brittany Zedalis]

Those last lines. Wow. This is absolutely amazing.

[Lyn Anderson]

Thanks. This is my favourite of all that I have ever written.

[Rob Santana]

WOW!! Amazing piece of work KL. I love the twist at the end. I thought this was a horror piece for a minute. But then again...Love often turns into horror. This piece can be read both ways. You start with love then end with horror. Wait, what? Make sense? Anyway, So far this is my favourite.

[Frieda P]

Well I certainly didn't see that ending coming to smack me upside the head! Color me gob-stopped...

[KLMazon]

Those of us with walls always feel cracked over the head by such a vulnerable emotion. I think you really capture that, the surprise we never can prepare for.

[Lyn Anderson]

That is exactly what I was going for. So glad it's clear. Thanks.

[KLMazon]

I guess it takes one of us to know lol

[Lilly]

Oh this is a clever piece - great depiction of love, in a surprising and creative way.
Great work here :)