Rain

Rain

A Poem by Imperfection
"

Haiku for a contest

"

 

My eyes feel wet as

I walk away from your love

Raindrops hide my pain

 


© 2008 Imperfection



Author's Note

Imperfection
Couldn't think of a nice title.
Suggestions?

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Raj
Hi,

Since you have mentioned Haiku, I have a query. Shouldn't every line in a Haiku be complete?

"My eyes feel wet as
I walk away from your love"

This seems a breakup of one line into two.

Pls do look it up. Again, sorry for dissecting, Haiku as i understand should give two different fragmental ideas in the first two lines and in the punch line it should all make sense.

I MAY BE COMPLETELY WRONG. DO EDUCATE ME IF I AM. Since you have mentioned this is going for a contest, I had to be sure.

Apart from these technicalities, the piece by itself sounds poetic. Only words like these can explain the emotions of hurt. Way to go:)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Hidden tears? :) it's simple and nice :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


the title is perfect.. and so it the poem... or haiku, if you call it, (pardon me, i m not well versed with that genre)

:) Smiles,
Poetic Soul

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I don't know of any suggestions for the title, but I like this especially because it's short yet deep. No offense to anyone who likes long poems but I cannot stand just sitting there and listening to the same poem being read waiting for it to end, this is simple but has a deeper meaning.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Perfect.

How beautiful the rain. The most perfect time, because no one sees the tears falling as the "Raindrops hide my pain". To the rain that hides the pain within, to the love lost within these tears.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Raj
Hi,

Since you have mentioned Haiku, I have a query. Shouldn't every line in a Haiku be complete?

"My eyes feel wet as
I walk away from your love"

This seems a breakup of one line into two.

Pls do look it up. Again, sorry for dissecting, Haiku as i understand should give two different fragmental ideas in the first two lines and in the punch line it should all make sense.

I MAY BE COMPLETELY WRONG. DO EDUCATE ME IF I AM. Since you have mentioned this is going for a contest, I had to be sure.

Apart from these technicalities, the piece by itself sounds poetic. Only words like these can explain the emotions of hurt. Way to go:)

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Indeed rain is the perfect title,
I love where this poem takes the reader in mind
truly relaxing an melancholic. beautiful.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wonderful! And the title is just PERFECT!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Oh! This is a perfect title and going so well with it.
The poem is again so beautifully written and very painfull indeed.
The second pic is like...wow! Awesome...
I always gets a really strange feeling whenever I walks in rain, like for a moment time just stoods still.

"I LOVE TO WALK IN THE RAIN SO THAT, NO ONE COULD SEE MY TEARS ." :)

And best wishes for the contest too!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Rain seems to be a great title for this piece in my opinion. You embody so much emotion in such few words, it's amazing. I know this feeling and it's the worst feeling in the world ... at least for me. I love your pictures, too, those really add a great depth to the piece.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

i believe ''rain'' is a good title,it's a good peom

Posted 9 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


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Added on August 22, 2008
Last Updated on August 22, 2008

Author

Imperfection
Imperfection

India



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Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a piece of blank paper until your forehead bleeds - Douglas Adams. I am a woman in my 20's. I love writing...sometimes it doesn't make sense to the reader .. more..

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