The Story Ive Never Told (Pt 1)

The Story Ive Never Told (Pt 1)

A Story by anasolaris

Ive gone through quite a journey to get to where i am, one which i have never shared with anybody before. This is me being vulnerable and finally talking about, from the very beginning, here it is.

Middle school, it seems like a time in life where everything that happens is extremely insignificant in the grand scheme of things. However all of my habits, that I can think back to, all stem back to this era in my life. In seventh grade, i thought i had myself completely figured out. I went to church every single sunday, and listened to nothing but worship music. I spit out bible verses like they were the only piece of solid advice that i had to offer, and every time a boy came too close to me, the only image that would pop into my head was Jesus staring me down. I was raised in a baptist church, my parents are the perfect definition of what true christians should be like. This means i had an overly sheltered childhood, no spongebob, no family guy, no disney, because they were all from the devil. I was blissfully unaware of everything going on in life, up until it was my turn to go to 8th grade. You see, in 7th grade i still had my baby fat on my body and i was extremely unsocial. i would see all of the popular girls walking around every day and one day, i decided i was going to be one. So i tried out for the cheer team and i made it. The first day of 8th grade came by and just wearing the uniform brought so much change into my life. girls that had never even given me a second glance were talking to me, boys all of a sudden seemed to notice i existed, and even teachers looked at me so much kinder. I felt like a flower that had just started blooming, the world was my oyster. The first few months absolutely soared by. Being in band, and cheer, and theatre arts, made me the biggest social butterfly in the entire school. i was not only one of the popular girls, i was the popular girl, and let me tell you, my insecurity vanished in a heart beat. Thats when i met her, gazelle from hell. she was outspoken and the boys all loved her. We were put into a history fair group together because she one of the existing members friend already. We immediately hit it off, she was funny like id never met before, and every thing she said was either making me laugh, or had me shaking my head in agreement. our friendship started off at a run, we clicked so instantly that within weeks we were calling each other bestfriend and staying over at each others house. I thought i had finally met someone that i would never get tired of hanging out with. It was good cop, bad cop, between us. She was the one always taking risks and doing crazy things, talking to boys left and right and two at a time. Then there was me, not dancing with anybody at the school dance because boys terrified me and i didnt want event he possibility of my mom coming in and seeing me dance. Slowly though, we started melting together. She rubbed off on me like i would have never imagined. The first night i spent the night at her house we went to a 15, the first one i had ever been to, at the fifteen i was so naively unaware that not everybody you meet has good intentions for you. I drank a sprite that had been offered to me by one of her friends and immediately started feeling strange. He then pulled me on to his lap and started telling me that he would love to kiss me. This terrified me, and make every hair on my body stand up. i had never kissed anybody before and was certain that this boy was not the one i wanted to start with, mind you, he was dating one of my other close friends at the time. So i tried to push him off, but then gazelle kept telling me to just let it happen, that i had been too uptight for too long. Again, i said no. So she told him i was just scared but that i had told her i really wanted to, so he grabbed the back of my head, got a hand full of my hair and pulled my head in until our lips met. This was the first time anybody ever grabbed me and made me feel completely powerless. i immediately began to cry, not for the fact that the first person my lips had other contact with was him. but because my thoughts went to my friend which he was dating, i knew she would never forgive me. I called my mom and asked her to pick me up, i could no longer stand being in the environment. On the following monday at school, gazelle came up to me and apologized and for the life of me, i couldn't bring myself to stay mad at her. I mean, she was just trying to look out for me, and help me explore new things right? However, the news travelled like wildfire back to my other friend and she found it extremely hard to find it in her heart to forgive me. She went a year without speaking to me, even though her boyfriend was the one who assaulted me. This was the first incredibly stressful time in my life,i didnt know what else to do, so i ran to my escape, music. Band had an upcoming field trip that i was very excited for, it was the band expo, where all of the high schools got together and played their halftime shows for all the middle schools. the rest of the week went by and it was finally time for the trip, they loaded us into two buses and off we went to go see the performances. i was absolutely lost in the music, and had never been more motivated to start my own high school band career. By the end of the expo i was starving and ready to eat! Thankfully they loaded us back on the busses and we headed to the mall to eat. I remember eating some pasta and then heading into the "PowerPlay" section, with all of the games. I met up with an old friend of mine who had moved schools, jaz. She introduced me to all of her friends from her new school, and i hit it off with one of them, xavi. we played some games together and it was actually incredibly fun. but then i remember, i looked down and all of my tickets were missing from my pocket. I stepped away from the game and did a visual scan of the room, and thats when i saw him for the first time, smirking and holding all of my tickets in his hand. my alex.

© 2017 anasolaris

Author's Note

ignore all grammar, punctuation, and capitalization problems. i write just to spill it out of my brain.

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Added on November 8, 2017
Last Updated on November 8, 2017
Tags: #Journey, #Love, #Betrayal, #Vulnerable



Baytown, TX

i write to de-stress myself. my writing isn't the best, but it frees me, atleast for a few minutes, of this dull life. more..

I Mourn. I Mourn.

A Poem by anasolaris