Memorize

One day I always say 

To the person in the mirror I face 

One day I'll be unapologetic 

I'll learn to be more apathetic 

I won't daydream

About the endings I can't complete

The moment I almost leave 

About the almost goodbyes 

One day I won't look back

But for now I always find a reason

 To tightly hold 

The thorn covered rose 

I can't let go 

Even when they've left me

I know how it feels to be left 

Unexpectedly 

And to be left with only your mind 

And I'll rewind

 Until I can rehearse the apology

Line by line 

I'll memorize 

And there will come a day you'll see

When you no longer see me 

You'll be left wondering 

There will come a day you'll see 

When I'm the one you're missing

And you'll be left wondering 

Footsteps echo into the night 

 Maybe I'll never know how to do this right

 I'll never know what to do

I'll never know how to be right for you 

And your words will pierce through the layers of armor I always wear 

It's no match for the years I've held on

And all the pain and laughter we've shared 

 

One day I'll know how to say sorry

But not because I feel like I have to 

It won't feel forced or coerced

It'll feel natural and like it was meant to be  

And maybe then you'll see 

That I'm sorry 

I can promise you 

That goodbyes can hurt 

When they don't happen so often  

When they are rare and they are sure

When they really don't come back 

When they become someone you had 

I was never strong enough to one of them 

Until now 

And you'll have to search your mind

For memories and old times

And you'll sit and rewind 

 And memorize