Life Without You

Today I saw life without you
I could feel the hole you left
Gaping wide open and vulnerable
I felt it but could breathe with it
And I could walk on a road you used to own
And it could feel like home

Today I felt life without you
I almost saw it coming
I could almost feel the warning
But I didn't want to believe
So I blocked it out with the music
My thoughts are made of
And I tried to be enough
But I don't think I ever was

Today I lived life without you
I felt like a child seeing something new
I felt like I was looking at the sun for the first time
It blinded me
It was so bright
It felt odd and foolishly right
I walked into the night
And I didn't look back
I drove past your light in the window
And I laughed

Today I understood life without you
It was something I had to stop and stare at
A familiar feeling of feeling used
Of being played like a puppet on a string
Something to be played with until it became something else
It was a nightmare, the look in your eye
I could see it coming and I tried to run and hide
With a heart I couldn't recognize
With a war I couldn't fight

Today I loved life without you
And I sighed and my lungs felt heavy
Filled with the water you watched me sink in
I got drunk one night and you told me
There was nothing I could do wrong
Then the next night you pushed me below your feet
And you'll compare me the person I hate most of all
You'll want me to become them but that's too easy

Today I breathed in life without you
And it lifted me into the sky
Then I remembered I gave you my wings
So I fell through trees and broke their branches
But I used them to build new ones
And I thanked them for my freedom

Today I lived life without you
And I almost cried icicle tears
Too cold to slide down my cheeks
Too heavy to carry with me
All along it was me
Waiting for things to fit into place
But this time I can tell it wasn't meant to be
And I have your mind memorized
I know you like the back of my hand
I could spot your laugh from miles away
But I still don't understand
The part of me that hurts me
And leaves me to try and understand a life
You've been a part of for so long

Today I sat in the sun
And my feet felt heavy
I dreamt of your face in the clouds
Felt your heart in my hands
But I had to let it go
And although it broke my heart
It was something I've needed to do for so long
Since I could remember not feeling wrong
Since I could remember feeling strong

Today I lived life without you
And my life won't ever be the same
And something will always be missing
And it'll always hurt me
And your face will always be one I see
I'm so happy that at one time
You were a part of everything