Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

A Poem by deepblue04

Can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

 

I want little spotlights

Facing towards me

I’ve always felt

I never got the attention

 

Even if it was just a minute

I want more

I thirst for more

And yet no one wants to

Give the attention to me

 

Chorus:

Can you hear me?

I feel you keep me hanging

Have you ever realized

What I’ve thirst for?

I only thirst for attention

 

You’ve always

Paid him more attention

Yet I feel that I get nothing

Even though

I do so well in school

 

I feel so forgotten

Even the guy

That was suppose to help me

Forgot my name

Yet they can remember his name

Even the little kids

Take him over me

 

Chorus

 

What more should I do

Just to get your attention

 

I want to be heard

Yet I feel that nobody does

I hear his name

Spoken more than mine

Even with your friends

 

I’ve tried so much

I’ve cried so much

Yet I’m told that I should

Show no emotion

 

So how am I suppose to tell you

How I feel

If you can’t hear me


© 2012 deepblue04


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Reviews

Ok, so first thing that strikes me is the clear teenage emotion, been there done that got the Tshirt, but always good because the topic is relatable. There are a few lines that I would go back and rephrase the best example I can give is;
"I want to be heard
Yet I feel like nobody does"
It's a great line, I can see what your getting at, but the flow of what follows is jittery and is the work 'like' really necessary?

Definately got the start of a really good piece here. Keep working and perfect your art. Look forward to more.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I can see your emotion that you put into this song, I could see that you would put a melody behind it :)

Posted 11 Years Ago



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139 Views
2 Reviews
Added on June 26, 2012
Last Updated on July 2, 2012

Author

deepblue04
deepblue04

DeRidder, LA



About
Hi! My name is Susan. I love reading and writing poetry! I will accept any friend request and will review any type of writing. I like to listen to k-pop/rock, rock. Blue is my favorite color. M.. more..

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