Blinded infatuation

hmmm... a collection of words with a rhythmic nature?

As my breathing lingers in the silence of my darkened room 

and the memories of what was hang as if their colors visible in the blurred lines of the absent gloom 

My thoughts come and go all too soon 

I see my face staring back at me with eyes where nothing seems to reside, 

but the darkness of my hollow mind. 

In pursuit of something yet knowing I will never find- 

find the pastured where my heart once resided, 

between the sweet summer blossoms of an everlasting ignorance induced springtime. 

Where the memories of happiness softly whisper notes sweeter then her touch as she sings 

sings to me with the occasional off-note reminding me of the pain she also brings. 

How she comes and goes leaving her lingering scent on my clothes 

How she holds my hand and promises the world, 

yet leaves me lost in the chambers of her absence blinded but not with eyes completely closed

What is left of a once bountiful memory bare and exposed

Exposed by the mission engulfed by the mindset of only you driving the vision 

as my inner clockworks circles around you in a solar system of its own design, 

my decisions, thoughts and memories lingering in my consciousness mind

The warmth you bring becomes almost required for life to be a reality 

You muddle my mind with moments driven by lust leaving pain but a vague concept just beyond what my finger tips grasp 

As I come to comprehend the smashed pieces stained with the deepest scarlet you left in your wake

You slowly push me to the boundaries of functionality and the will to hold on to a inconvenienced reality 

only letting the endless murmurs of the soft falling rain fall on the very pieces you left unclaimed 

As the waters wash away any evidence of what was once the domineering imprint of the scriptures engraved under the silicone walls of my brain  

As i wander the echoes of the emptiness searching for a sign 

Hoping there is possibly a remnant you left behind  

To just cling to the familiarity of what i now struggle to fathom to be sanity 

Anything to silence the numbness that has now overgrown the pathways, 

forcing me to search as your wake leads me to seek what is now no longer there to find 

Overpowered by your ability to overthrow my actions 

Stone after stone...

the destruction lingers for what feels like eternities in the darkness of my thoughts, 

yet the reminder of your momentary presence never present for long enough to leave your promises a bay 

As the memory of yours sweet fingers against my skin slowly become less and less clear 

and what you once were now never lingers too near 

I observe the swimming thoughts with strokes driven by pursuit of anything but the numbness echoing 

silently screaming through the now seemingly eternal  hollow walls

Making the presence of the soon faded moments be left in the wake as my thoughts drift slowly from my now cold reality leaving my fingers unwilling to acknowledge your wake

unwilling to move with now only excuses lingering in contemplation creating fast movementless lakes

 as functionality my will collapses as my walls tumble yet never fall 

Often chasing the shadow cast over her echos of silence 

with Scriptures now void of happiness but also resistant to her harm 

Trying to understand the newly found celestial role that no real relevance will soon demand

She no longer riddles the pathways of my mind, but her presence always lingering as I pursue the mask of the momentary highs... 

Author's Note

honestly I am a fan of honesty.