The Best Years of My Life

The Best Years of My Life

A Poem by Annette Jay Sweeney
"

I wrote this villanelle for class. I'm 21 and have witnessed and partaken in college drinking the last few years. I wrote this when I had a semi-serious problem.

"

I’m not an alcoholic, no, not yet.

It runs in my genes like my eye color.

Don’t puke, don’t stumble, you will lose the bet.

 

Every weekend a bottle is met,

my lips draw sweet sourness like a lover,

but not an alcoholic, no, not yet.

 

It’s just me being social, I won’t let

it take hold of me as it did mother.

Don’t puke, don’t stumble, you will lose the bet.

 

In class I bring a Jameson Coke, a

trick trophy conveniently covert.

I’m not an alcoholic, no, not yet.

 

Not twenty-one, through others I must get

the heat, the speed, my heightening brother.

Don’t puke, don’t stumble, you will lose the bet.

 

Soon I’m losing control, like-a feral pet

they turn to bite me over and other.

I’m not an alcoholic, no, not yet,

do(n’t) puke, do(n’t) stumble, …I have lost the bet.


© 2010 Annette Jay Sweeney



Author's Note

Annette Jay Sweeney
Keep in mind that this was a villanelle.

Upon editing this I changed the lines:

"I take a Jameson infused Coke, set
down in class like a trophy covert."

The new version:

"In class I bring a Jameson Coke, a
trick trophy conveniently covert."

Do you think this works better?

My Review

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Featured Review

There's a sense of denial running through your verse with expression of opposite outward signs "like a trophy convert". Also the inference that it's not the subject's responsibility, "it runs in my genes like my eye color". I like also your use of "like-a feral pet", suggesting the subject was once tame, but has been led astray, with a sense of realization just at the end.

Posted 7 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

This is an extremely complex form to master and you have done it great justice here working with quite difficult subject matter in a way that is contemporary and poignant. I especially like "my lips draw sweet sourness like a lover" with built-in contradictions that suggest both deliciousness and regret.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

'Villanelle,' had to look that one up. Nice job, interesting subject; college daze. You configured your villanelle very well and described a noble tradition shared by road scholars, politicians, and sailors all over the world. Good work! BZ

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The second definitely better. Nicely done. I myself don't drink, I'm allergic to alcohol...but have witnessed the damage it has done to those I love dearly. I don't know the feeling first hand, but from an outsiders view this poem is what it looks like. 100 daisies.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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Jeepers... 3rd time round. I lost your connection twice. Once for noting Chris, and his
review & went off to post a friend request. I think his poetry is awesome! The 2nd time
I was researching, what I wanted to present to you. About your beautiful Poem and the Cadence. Being dreamy. Yet, what is lost is gone... & can't be replaced, even though it
express my awe of your educated talents. That I learn a lot from you, in general about writing, When I read your commentary in review & help with freely given opinion & very
good brief advice. As I am self educated and, a long term Poet...
Who knows quality... in verse!
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*********************************************************************************************All Stars*********************

*** It runs in my genes like my eye color ***

Great Line! Me, I wish I'd wrote it. I count stanza's, then lines before I move on to other deals, like consonants vowel, nouns and especially, signature movement in Ebb an Flow
of Cadence... Where the piece rather Dance on the tongue... or not? Then, to Framework and lastly. Format. The considerations are Context, conditioning of premise content and finish, with an editorial. On how the work at hand, is read aloud...

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I can honestly submit, that you have hit every one. Anette! A piece of composition that goes to fav'ouites & Library!
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I can only repeat *********************************************************************All Stars**********************

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Write On / Right On! ...Ro... Peace. 05/20/10 (hey 2010) 8:25am Quesnel Canada
Officially considered Poetess, for: The Eternal Poet --On-Line Magazine.
Soon, to be a Web-Domain of Creative Standard Productions. In association, with: andistarr.com & romonx.com ... Producer: RCJ Frankson. ;)
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Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I graduate from college in a semester and know all to well how thurs-sunday can be. If someone is prone to being an alcoholic and made friends with certain groups of people, it would not be inevitable, but extremely difficult to not stumble down the path you are referring to. I specifically felt the desperation in the this writing. Nice poem!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like the new version. I like the assonance that it gives. Makes it run more smoothly..and I like how it kind of pick up speeds there. (IDK, just might be me?)

Great works. Look forward to reading more. :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think i like the first sentence better, due to my love for description. I liked the work all around, and i enjoyed how it ended. Keep pluggin

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I think the new amended line is 10 times better than before! Not only that, but it has added alliteration!!! Yeah, I like this poem even more now !!!!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm a big fan of this one. Obviously having problems with alcohol yourself, I can see the emotion embedded into the message of the poem. Very creatively written as far as the metaphors go, especially the feral one. Nice job, I look forward to reading more.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Not being 'technically-versed', I was unaware what a villanelle was until now. In this case the villanelle is correctly technically-versed! I like the style, in fact. This is a good poem. It should ring true to anyone who has ever relied a little too much on alcohol for 'release'. Though I don't quite get "a trophy covert" - I really like "they turn to bite me over and other".

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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16 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on April 21, 2010
Last Updated on May 14, 2010
Tags: alcohol, underage drinking, villanelle, Jameson, college

Author

Annette Jay Sweeney
Annette Jay Sweeney

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About
Reading and writing have always provided a loving escape for me, but both are now taking on a more serious level. I thrive on reading others' work and helping them to improve, while also depicting my .. more..

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