Images of What You Do

Images of What You Do

A Poem by Annette Jay Sweeney
"

Experimenting

"

Electric currents strike through the

zapper, a moth catches that momentary

             glimpse, and she has to go.

She can’t resist the touch, the sensation,

knowing the unnatural fire will

             burn her wings,

                  crack her lungs,

                        burst her eyes,

and leave her in a pile of her own ashes.

 

It’s like the person with sticky fingers…

they just can’t resist something so far

out of their price range. The sign says $299.99,

but you know it can be “bought” for free.

 

The ring around your lip is a saucer

            I would like to drink from…

I try not to stare at it like

            a dehydrated sponge full of holes…

 

It’s like my cat’s eyes watching

my food and waiting until I head

for the toilet, then pouncing on soft

paws, tasting what she knows isn’t hers

even though she loves me.

 

You gently touch my shoulder as you

pass and speak with me, not knowing

that you are as tempting as a tree on

the top of a mountain during a lightning storm.

Your branches keep reaching, tickling the clouds

but I hear the thunder and subdue the static

before it reaches out too far.


© 2010 Annette Jay Sweeney



Author's Note

Annette Jay Sweeney
I'm not normally one to write about feelings concerning romantic relationships...but I decided to vent it out. I found myself in a situation where I was attracted to someone I couldn't pursue. I also wanted to play with using a bunch of random thoughts to convey a similar message. New forms are always good to work with.

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Featured Review

Such eclectic presentation from a broad and diverse range of source and the relationships of imagery, is way too cool. This is an experiment, that works! It's like a beat poem, that mixes with a prose flow of corrilations. That bubble up from between. To tease us. Although it painted a somewhat different view, for me. As I'd read the Authors note afterward. I have to agree, quote: New forms are always good to work with.
This was a unique read, that was savoured...
Write On / Right On! Romon...

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Your subtle glimpses truly drive deeper as the poem flows through. There is the danger and pain expressed, and then the final passage enlightens us to the anxiety of loving one who would only hurt you in the end. You've done this so vividly!

Posted 2 Years Ago


A splendid read and write...Thank you for penning...:).................

Posted 3 Years Ago


I like the way you approach this from so many oblique angles at once. It's so much more revealing than the standard unrequited love poem. Fantastic writing!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


Sort of a zigzag poem...very unique and lightly brushing alongside the feelings of simple romance.

I've not seen another quite like it...good work...!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A great way to convey the distress of wanting something you know you just can't have. Some of us just can't help but touch the fire. I love the stanza about the moth, and your using the word 'she' to personify her actions.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Would you say this was lust? hmm..I'm struggling to appreciate everything I find that’s written well. I think if you can write pictures into others minds that you have a gift, but then I often wonder if we have a responsibility to fill these minds with good images. Some would say it's an acquired taste, like blue cheese, reading gritty things, or sexual things, or perhaps just graphic things. I sometimes wonder if it's good to experience everything that can be experienced simply because it's new or captivating. I don't like the image of bursting eyes for instance. It captivated me, I could see it in my mind, but it didn't serve any higher purpose. *shrugs* all random thoughts, forgive the rant on your page. Perhaps suggest another read for me?

I've writen things similar, so I'm just wondering out loud *laughs*

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow! A unique perspective of a common conundrum; do you behave like the cat or exert control of your desires?

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Such eclectic presentation from a broad and diverse range of source and the relationships of imagery, is way too cool. This is an experiment, that works! It's like a beat poem, that mixes with a prose flow of corrilations. That bubble up from between. To tease us. Although it painted a somewhat different view, for me. As I'd read the Authors note afterward. I have to agree, quote: New forms are always good to work with.
This was a unique read, that was savoured...
Write On / Right On! Romon...

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The beginning of this poem pulled me in right away. I love the switch between stanzas, other's wanting what they can't or shouldn't have, to you wanting someone you can't or shouldn't have.
The first and third stanza's are my favorite, because they surprised me. You described things that I've heard described over and over again in a new and surprising way. My only revision tip would be to add that to the other stanzas, make me look at the thief in the second stanza in a while I've never seen them before.
Love this poem.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Inventive, clever, and playful.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 18, 2010
Last Updated on July 13, 2010
Tags: electric, stealing, envy, greed, storm, attraction

Author

Annette Jay Sweeney
Annette Jay Sweeney

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About
Reading and writing have always provided a loving escape for me, but both are now taking on a more serious level. I thrive on reading others' work and helping them to improve, while also depicting my .. more..

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