Walk with Me

These are actually song lyrics...

Behind the walls,

I’m staring at you

Something is wrong,

I wonder why you’re so blue

You faked a smile

As your friends bade goodbye

I wonder what is that thing

taking laughter out of your eyes

 

You’re a mystery

Oh, please talk to me                  

You’re hiding something behind your face

Your sadness you can’t erase

You’re not alone

Hold my hand and walk with me

I’ll show you what more of life can be

 

You’re sitting again under that old pine tree

Painting your masterpiece,

Full of fears and uncertainties

But I can see hopes, wishes and dreams

I wish I had such artistry

More than I do,

You have to believe in what you can be

 

You’re such a mystery

Oh, please talk to me   

Hold my hand and walk with me

I’ll show you what more of life can be

There’s always a brighter side

Just believe then you will see

I’m holding your hands,

Just walk with me.

Author's Note

These are song lyrics.. comments and suggestions are very much welcome.
-olive.

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

the story line engrossed me...i think this is very emotive ..it tugs the heart in its caring about another ..most have met such a one ...no amount of maneuvering , nor imploring will crack that shell .. and seems the more one tries the more distant the person becomes ..or uses it to their advantage .. sigh! good intentions and desire aside sometimes the best course of action is no course ;{
are these your own song lyrics; or are they taken from other songs? Is there a tune running around in your head? and have you considered a chorus?
E.

[Aprille]

Thank you Einstein. I really like your reviews. :)
As for the questions... yes, those are my own words, from my imagination 'cause I never really experience such thing. Reading this poem again feels like the old me is singing to me, saying you'll be fine and your review is the reason why I got to see this poem again. There are no tunes running inside my head, I guess I'm not a musician (laughs) but it feels like country music to me.

[Einstein Noodle]

yeh!! country music seems a very good fit. many of those songs are story telling. i sing to myself all the time. ;) god bless; love and peace all day, every day dear friend!

[Aprille]

Thank you so much. :)

[Kyle Sky]

The phrasing in this is quite good and fits really well for a song. Reading this makes me want to hear the tune. The calm athmosphere in this is presented very nicely and subtly while the theme of sharing hope to some person is presented well. Beautiful piece of work.

[Aprille]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate this review. :)

[Pax]

the first thought comes to mind is it almost felt like a song and I was right as your wrote down in your authors note... a lyrics of a songs, Its really beautfiul kabayan... also it almost feels like itwas i, the person this piece is pointing out for not that you intend to be, but that's just me feeling the sadness of the artist doing his masterpiece under the old pine tree... I am like that sometimes, doing my own thing not minding the almost everything and just be with the sadness of silence around me with nature on my side, listening to the beats of every pumps of my heart....

great work!

[Aprille]

Thank you so much for your kind review. See you around. ;)

[Tricia Pattinson]

I can hear this sung in a country beat and vocals. Nice song!

[Aprille]

I actually imagined it being sung like a country music. :)
Thanks. :)

[Sami Khalil]

Melodious lyrics done with such artistry. Bravo..........

[Aprille]

Thank you. :)

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome....:)........

[A. Amos]

This was cool, chill out and interesting piece of writing. I truly enjoyed the read...you my friend are a good writer!

[Aprille]

Thank you so much. :)

[A. Amos]

You're most welcome

[ASHIDASH]

Wow amazing poem. I liked it alot.
I’m holding your hands,

Just walk with me.

Good work

[Aprille]

Thank you. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice flow of thoughts led to a good ending. Always better to have a hand in your hand in the journey of life. I like how you led to the positive ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Aprille]

Thanks for your kind review. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Jennie Baron]

Beautifully worded and indeed very songlike. (Have you put music with it yet?)

A couple of very small things: In the second line, "starring" should be spelled "staring."
To be grammatically correct, "I wish I have such artistry" should be "I wish I had such artistry."
Finally, the more typical wording would be "believe in what you can be" rather than "believe on."

I'm not in the business of copy editing but those are a couple of things I noticed. Again they are very small things and I wouldn't change anything about the basic wording and structure!

[Aprille]

Well, I just tried to write lyrics because of one of my friend, I don't actually sing.I don't even know how to play musical instruments. ;) Anyway ,thanks for the review and corrections. :)