Death of Hope

A war is closing in. And all the hopes we ever had is going to die with it. It is not so far...

I couldn't open my eyes
Out the days were cold.
The smoke spreading my lungs
The cries shrinking my heart.

I feel the metal bed,
I hear it clinging.
I feel the cold of those
Long death metal pipes.

I see the avalanche of bullets
buzzing around, aching my drums,
painting the walls red.
Chains cutting into my flesh.

I look at the cloudy skies
Lifeless lands, lightless days.
cursing the darkness
blackening the blue planet.

The torch was dead,
the light inside never reached out.
A bullet through hope's heart.
It was all done.

Peace was one beat away...
I closed my eyes!!

Author's Note

It has been a while I wrote in Writerscafe. Almost 4 years have passed. I believe my style has improved. Waiting to hear the reviews.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest and powerful words and thoughts.
"The torch was dead,
the light inside never reached out.
A bullet through hope's heart.
It was all done."
The above lines. Is what the children see. What will be left for this generation? Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[The ArK]

Thanks coyote.
It's really sad that we often take this earth for granted.

[Coyote Poetry]

Earth and life. Both victims of man greed and you are welcome my friend.

[¿]

An inevitable war you're saying bout...indeed the writing style has improved!
Nice read☺

[April Blue]

I really like how expressive and haunting the words are...

[barleygirl]

Your poem does a great job of SHOWING instead of telling (best part of good writing). I love the way you show us how this war thru vivid imagery that appeals to all the senses. Your poem is well done & I’m not recommending changes, but here’s something to think about for future writing. Some of your descriptions are too simplistic for my liking. I see from your profile, where you like keeping things simple. I agree, but you can still be imaginative & reach outside the basic expressions.
For example: “painting the walls red” could still be put in a simple way, but using more dynamic verbs and interesting adjectives: “walls are dripping crimson” . . . Another example: “I look at the cloudy skies” . . .could be: “I stare at billowing skies” . . . these are the kinds of tweaks that can make your writing feel more original & memorable (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[The ArK]

Thanks for your review Margie. Your suggestions were enlightening. I admit that my vocabulary is not that great (I'm working on it though :-) ) because I am accustomed to writing in my mother tongue.

I will definitely keep your words in mind the next time I write something.

[Najam Us Saher]

Your words created a tale of struggle to find peace, creatively written. I liked it.

[The ArK]

Yes, life is a struggle to find peace. But in war, one can never achieve it- even after the war ends. War doesn't end in peace. It's peace that ends with war.

Btw, thanks for your comment. :-)

[Najam Us Saher]

Absolutely correct, I like your insightful thoughts.
It was my pleasure reading this. ☺

[The ArK]

Thanks again .
Btw, do you have any idea how to change the profile pic? It's an old pic and feels a bit weird to keep that photo still. XD

[Najam Us Saher]

Home> Account> Choose photo

[The ArK]

Tried, Not working!

[Chris Shaw]

You took me to a war zone, the last place on earth anyone would want to be in. You created that hostile atmosphere and also the longing for peace. Thank you.

[The ArK]

Thanks for the review. :-)

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Yes, when the war was over, you can have that peace.
Very well-written.

[The ArK]

Thank you!

[Weeping willow]

Nice write and expressed well. Welcome back to Writerscafe.

[The ArK]

Thank you :-)