A Better Day

A Better Day

A Poem by KAJ
"

Feeling sick is no fun

"
I am so sick and tired of feeling such pain.
With no relief in sight, it is as constant as rain.
I will have to be patient at least for today.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. 

My wish is to soar, my hope is to fly.
But my chain is too heavy, I can't even try.
I will have to be patient at least for today.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

My mind tells me to fight, my heart found the will.
My body says no: rest, be calm and lay still.
I will have to be patient at least for today.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

I have shed a million tears, but it does not help to cry.
I am determined to hold strong and try not to ask why.
I will have to be patient at least for today.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

So my wish is in my pocket, I hold hope in my hands.
I have created some dreams, and sketched out some plans.
I will have to be patient at least for today.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

© 2018 KAJ



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I like the narrative of this poem. It's a fun little piece that cleverly takes a jab about being sick. I won't advise however the repetition of both lines....because it gets a bit repetitive, and with every stanza in a way saying the same thing, best not be completely repetitive. Just repeat the last line (which is the foundation and punch of every stanza, essentially), and change each third line except for the one you would want to have say "I will have to be patient......" (ideally this would be the first stanza or last). The poem could also use a musicality tweak in a few lines (too wordy and the musicality has trouble carrying over that). This is otherwise fantastic! Well done!

Posted 6 Months Ago


emipoemi

6 Months Ago

Oh no, indeed, I understood what you were doing. I'm simply saying it gets too repetitive with both .. read more
KAJ

6 Months Ago

I really appreciate your comments, thank you!!
emipoemi

6 Months Ago

my pleasure.

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Added on March 8, 2018
Last Updated on March 8, 2018

Author

KAJ
KAJ

Vancouver, WA



About
I am a mom with a lovely daughter. I write about hope, life, death, pain, and frustration. Some are just plain silly. Thank you for taking time to read them. more..

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