Maybe

this one just kind of happened. It might be a bit rough so if you have any ideas on how to fix it, I would love to here from you.

Maybe we can be together,
We will live on forever.
My heart is yours,
And yours is mine
And together we will spend
All of our time.
We can frolick by the river,
Rolling around in it's white sand.

Maybe we can fall in love,
Our hearts flying like a dove.
We can hold each other close,
And pledge to be together,
Holding each other
In a loving embrace forever.

Maybe we weren't meant to be,
That fact now seems clear to me.
I put all my life into our love
And it died away before my eyes.
You turned your back on my heart,
Nearly ripping me apart.
Now I see the truth
That maybe we weren't meant to be.

Reviews

[Ophelia]

When I read this I see a lot of hurt. You are able to write exactly how you feel into a very deep poem which really interests me. The beginning of this has such hope I found myself smiling, relating to something in my own life and as the poem got darker and harsher I could still relate to the same thing which was amazing. Your a very talented writer.

[melissa]

wow!!!! this is wonderful piece I think everyone has felt this way one time or another I know I have….

[*Evelen*]

This poem has a lot of emotion in it. In the beginning of a relationship you might think that the two of you will be togther forever, and actually think that he really does love you. You give him all you got, but sometimes he doesn't give back. Your relationship dies, and you can't stop it. Very sad. Well done =)

[Somewhere]

:-) nice twist at the end, unexpected, but good. I enjoyed this. One piece of constructive criticism....keeping in mind, I don't know what I'm talking about really...this is based solely on my ear versus what may be right or wrong in the world of poetry.

And pledge to be together,
Forever holding each other
In a loving embrace....... Maybe you should shift some words a bit here...maybe state...

And pledge to be together,
holding each other
in a loving embrace forever

Good job, I enjoyed it.

[deeps]

Wonderful flow here. I like this alot.
Kind of sad but wonderfully written.

[J]

What a nice start.But a sad ending.I liked it though.Keep it up :D

[Iota]

This one had a turn that took it away from sappy, I wonder if you did that on purpose. Still like real relationships time often erodes away at what made it special until we are left with, why would I want forever with you. Nice twist at the end.