Colleen

This poem is about a college girl named "Colleen" who experiences the typical pangs of adolescence in a city far from home.

I have a daughter, her name’s Colleen
She’s gone to college and she’s sixteen
“You’ll be a good teacher,” to her I would say
“Take care of yourself while I am away.”

And in the city my dear Colleen stayed
Day and night for her I prayed
That she be fine and survive four years
Have strength to go on and to endure the tears.

Once a month she would return to me
And told me of the city life I wasn’t able to see
She said she’s okay and she’s having fun
She kissed me goodbye, saying “I love you, Mom.”

Every now and then a text message I would receive
“Money for class project”, then I would give
And to her pleas I would always reply
“Make our debts worth it,” sealed with a sigh.

For three long years things were fine
Until my dear Colleen changed with time
Three months had gone, no word from her
So off to city I went and searched my daughter.

I met her best friend and she told me
That the life Colleen had was never easy
She handed me a paper, she said, “From Colleen’s coat.
The day she went away, she left a note.”

“Dear mother, you know I love you so.
I’m sorry I messed up and I had to go.
I have a cancer. My boyfriend’s Robi.
I am pregnant, but he wouldn’t let me keep the baby.

I imagined the hurt you’d be dealing with, Mom.
So I didn’t let you know and away I ran.
I’d fix things on my own. I will find a way.
I promise you, my dear mother, I’ll be home someday.”

With tears falling, I held the letter in my heart
Wishing my daughter’s here, not miles apart
College and dreams that I should’ve seen
Seemed gone to me, just like my precious Colleen.

Author's Note

Pardon my reckless grammar usage..

Reviews

[Chris]

You related a sad story... a common but none-the-less true drama. Parts were smooth and well flowing. I would suggest reading it aloud at least three times in a row, that will show you where the flow stumbles and better help you understand what you need to work on.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much for your suggestion. I agree that the "flow stumbles" every now and then and I need to revise the poem. But I'm afraid I won't be able to relay my message as effective as the original version if I edit some parts. :)

[Chris]

The beauty of free verse is what you say and how you say it is up to you and being the author realistically means you needn't EVER change a thing.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wise words. I find this very constructive. Thank you so much! :)

[Chris]

Anytime... you take care.

[Holly Mason]

I think deep but that is just me....the what if's in this great story just hit hard ...
what if ..she talked to her mom...what if- no what if with this these things happen everyday
rocks the reader with emotion
thank you for sharing ...nice meeting you

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow, you are the very first one to contemplate that deep. Thank you so much for giving life to my poem. It's nice to meet you, too!

[Dr. Wood ?]

Grammar is something you can work on over time...this does stumble here and there but it does tell a sad story very well. Free verse does help in that there are no confinements.......If you are going to rhyme it must flow and above all no rhymes should seem to be forced. You have rhymed well here, just the meter that needs some attention here and there

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, I noticed the same thing too. And well, I had come up with some poems to see if I can improve my meter. Have you read "The Guys I've Loved Before"? And "The Girl in Black"?

[Pryde Foltz]

I was captured by this story, Blue. I want to know what happens to Colleen. You keep it simple and clear and this allows the reader to do the feeling. May you never lose this. Grammar can be learned but the ability to make a reader feel, something much harder to do. Well done.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Pryde. You flatter me. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i agree with Chris...that reading aloud thing tends to work.

this is a sad story...and feels like it won't have a good ending..

often life just turns out totally opposite of what we expect or hope for...twists and turns and different events cause us to turn in totally different directions from what we intended.

really good piece...

actually the punctuation mostly worked for me...it created emphasis of parts of lines...

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes. Thank you so much, Jacob. :) I actually considered the advice of Chris and I've come up with a poem "The Guys I've Loved". Credits to him. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A lot of sadness in the poem. We must walk a gentle line with people we love. We can lose them forever. Good wisdom in the poem. Better to accept the people we love as is. Not what we want. Thank you for the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you for sharing your insights. And for the comment, too. :)

[Lydia Shutter]

Heartbreaking sentiment in this poem. A mother missing her daughter so much and then the daughter leaving town without a word....not trusting her mother's love to understand the pregnancy. Your rhyming is right on target and the flow of thought and words was good. Well written poetry. Lydi**

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thanks a lot! Your compliments inspire me. :)