Ang Akon Utod/My Brother

How much he had changed...

Akon natyempuhan ang akon utod,

malinong nga gakatulog.

Tandaan ko pa ang tyempo sang una.

Ligad tatlo katuig, di gani lima...

Dungan kami gatulog kung hapon.

Kung galigo, ga-agaway pa sang  habon.

Daw pulbos gid ang amon hamot.

Patas pa kami nga inosente kag mabuot.

Indi gid kami mabulag kaangay sang duha ka tuko.

Baw! Daw ano ko gid kapalangga si toto!

Ginhimutadan ko pa ang iya hitsura...

Ang akon utod, indi ko na kilala.

---------English Translation---------

I chanced upon my brother,

sleeping peacefully.

I can still remember the old times.

Three years ago or maybe five.

We took afternoon naps together,

       fought over a soap during baths,

       smelled so much like powder.

We were both innocent and good.

Like two geckos, we were inseparable.

Oh! How I love my brother!

I scrutinized his face...

I don't know him anymore.

Author's Note

We had a poem-writing activity in our class and we had to write using our dialect (Hiligaynon). We did this for ten minutes. I have never been comfortable in my own dialect since I'm very much in love with English but I was surprised when I was having fun with Hiligaynon. :) However, I believe the beauty of the original version is incomparable to the English one. More often than not, a poem's power is lost when translated.)

I sent RRs for this because I'm proud of my dialect. :)

P.S. "Toto" is an endearment for a brother.

Reviews

[Mittens]

I'm very curious about this one; being completely monolingual, I've always wondered how well poetry translates. There are so many additional meanings to words, especially connotative ones. How well did this one turn out? Does it read pretty similarly in both languages?

I really love the effect this one has; it's kind of like reading whiplash when you get to the end. It sets up so well with the recollection of the memories, and the tales of happy childhood, right before you get to the last line... it's a very masterful write, although, you can't help but feel incredibly sad at the end (which I believe is the point).

This is an excellent piece of work, Blue; did your class enjoy it too?

[Baban.A.A]

a very good comparison between current and past, between innocent and ruined, between love and like, between you and him, between people we loved and now changed to be people we just know, beautiful and great in meaning.

[gombeggar]

very hip and interesting writ...the 1st language is neat 2 look at but serves me no purpose without yer translation...good poem

[Great Aunt Astri]

What a wonderful little poem ... how I identified. I was inseperable from my brother too! If you don't mind me asking, what is the language of the fisrt version. I would like to have a bash at translating it myself!!

[Prritiy]

the poem when written in whichever language for the first time is always better than translation i have felt that too, especially the ones written in own dialect.

its a sweet composition. i liked it. and rightly remarked in the end aging or maturity brings changes....

best wishes

[Daffy]

So true, as time goes by, and as we grow on, the more we learn and know, the more we lose that closeness that only innocence and youth can give. I enjoyed this, brief, but very poignant poem. Good stuff.

[moog-drika]

this simply defines the love for your brother...
a very sweet and simple poetry...
Great! :)

[Douglas White]

Well, I can't speak for what was lost in translation, being as I don't read Hiligaynon, but I will say that the English translation was very good, and very poignant. It really is a well written testament to how we change as we grow, even if only over a few short years. As for using your dialect, don't limit yourself to English. Every language has it's own magic for a good writer. Try writing everything in both languages, and you'll see what I mean.

[TL Boehm]

I am always in awe of those who can write in more than one language. Found that last line - I don't know him anymore provocative and profound.

[Heather]

this is lovely and i love how beautiful the concept is, beautifully written, great job!! :D