To You, Who Faced Hatred

"Write a letter to the ten-year-old child you had been" You were too young and yet you knew too fast. This fight against the world is unjust, and I cry for what you go through.

To my 10-year-old self, 

I look back now and I still cry

For the lonely lunches, the silent tears, and the falls

For the confusion, for the understanding, and for the self-hatred

For the thoughts, for the cuts, and for the walls

I can't give you the answers, and if you asked, I could only say

"The world is a cruel place." 

Embedded from birth, cruelty was placed in even the most innocent form of mankind.

You were so young when you faced the world, faced the harsh words and faced the laughter. 

I wish I could be there to protect you, and to shield you from the invisible knives. 

I cry at what the world says. 

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but do they know that what does hurt you makes you weaker?

You fell and you tried to climb, hiding the bruises and the cuts. 

You'll make it to the top, but so what? 

I don't remember what it's like to love myself

And all I want to do is to hide you away.

I don't know what I can change to give you an alternative past

It shapes who you'll become, but at the cost of your heart

You'll pretend to be strong, even when you only have half of everyone else

I cry at what they forget.

Or maybe they just never realized. 

To them, their words were a joke, a funny comment...

And they never realized the power those words held. 

They don't realize that you still remember everything

And they especially don't realize that they're the bullies of your life. 

You'll grow up hiding everything

You'll grow up laughing everything off

And you'll grow up questioning why it was you.

I cry at what you'll go through.

Years of self doubt.

Years of self hatred.

Years of hiding.

Years of falling.

Years of crying.

Years of mood swings.

Sudden intense hits of downs.

Deep feelings of your life, wondering what you're still doing here.

I wish I could give you my walls now so that those words won't affect you.

I wish you could wear an armour around your heart so that you'll remain strong.

I wish I could tell you everything so that you can guard yourself.

But I can't. And so I have to watch you suffer, and watch you break down time after time.

Things do get better in life.

Your emotional state will never be repaired...

But you'll learn to trick them all

And you'll learn how to pretend to be fine

And you'll be at the "top of the social ladder", if that even holds any weight. 

But you'll go on in life, and you'll keep fighting your demons.

Keep fighting, keep surviving, and know that you're doing well. 

Reviews

[Xavier Lee]

Your words hold so much power, so much wight and so much pain, that I can hardly keep from weeping. I could feel the words pounding away at my soul as I read them. Honestly I felt like I could have written them myself. Your words were so relatable to me. It felt like what I want to tell my ten year old self. Thank you for this, it touched my soul.

[Dante Carlisle]

This breaks my heart. I can see the little girl you speak of protecting, and want to help you protect her. But, you can never protect yourself, not the way you need. I like repetition of 'I cry' at the opening of three paragraphs. Excellent work, as sad as it may be, it affected me well enough to get protective. Writing to our ten year old selves is bound to bring up a desire to protect, I know that was how I felt.
Thank you for the writing.