Cold moon

just a little something I wrote on a whim

Cold moon, brash wind, dogs barking in the park

Small room, eyes squint, the screen glows in the dark

Deep breaths, chapped lips, teeth started their grind

The knuckles crack and worries stack upon my troubled mind

Is it all me or is it them? Who is to say what's right?

For they can see me from afar, but they can't see inside.

But then again I ask myself "What if it's me who's wrong?"

Perhaps not being certain is vested in the strong

                                                              March 21, 2018  3:27 am

Reviews

[Robin Saxon]

I like the imagery created by the start of this poem. The first four lines are very strong, each one sets its own scene. Not sure about the next four though. These do not have the same depth as the others. Also the couplet 'Right/Inside' does not work as well as 'Park/Dark',
'Grind/Mind', 'Wrong/Strong'.
I personally would let the first part stand alone, 'The knuckles crack and worries stack upon my troubled mind' is a great way to finish, leaving questions to be asked and answers mulled over. Less is more as they say.
But it is only my opinion nothing more, nothing less.