Glass Between Us

Reviews

[Relic]

Long distance love is the hardest thing to come to terms with. The chasm that prohibits the feel of their hand and the warmth of their lips can be unbearable.

As far as suggestions, I would "suggest" you make sure your sentences are in the past tense rather than the present tense. For example, I stood there helplessly and all that was between us was a sheet of glass. You turned away from my driveway as tears formed in my eyes.

Good poem.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you! I appreciate your feedback.

[Relic]

You're welcome.

[Amanda Trerotola]

I will make the edits. :)

[Relic]

Okay, sounds good. :)

[Amanda Trerotola]

Any suggestions for writing the ending in past tense?

[Relic]

I don't think it needs it. After the line "Drops of water escaped my eyes"...it sounds fine to me. :)

[Amanda Trerotola]

Alright, thank you! I just feel like it needs something. I guess I was wrong. Sometimes we can be our biggest critic. Haha!

[Relic]

I'll try reading it over a few more times to make sure.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you!

[Relic]

Here's how I hear it.


I stood there helplessly and all that was between us was a sheet of glass. You turned away from my driveway as tears formed in my eyes. I gasped for air from within. You waved goodbye from your window. Before we knew it, we were in the bubble of long distance again. My lips trembled and my chest tightened as I fell to the cold concrete floor. Drops of water escaped my eyes, pouring out my love for you. Oh, how lucky I was to have a love that made saying goodbye so hard.
-Until, next time, I'll be waiting for "Hello."

[Amanda Trerotola]

Oh my gosh... That sounds beautiful and perfect!

[Relic]

Good. Glad I could help. You write well to begin with. :)

[Amanda Trerotola]

Aw thank you! Also, this is totally random but I don't want it to come off that it is a poem about someone leaving me as in breaking up since we are still together.

[Relic]

I never got that vibe from it. I just saw it as having to be far apart from someone you love.

[Amanda Trerotola]

That is exactly what I was feeling. Thank you. I fixed it.

[Einstein Noodle]

clever use of font in tightening the chest ;) i think you paint a poignant vignette of goodbye .. easy to see the scene and how it unfolds .. i like the enjambment between L2 & 3 ... it makes me focus on the "us" of the equation .. i think you do a fine job creating all the elements of long distant love ... the goodbyes .. the hellos ... i am an optimist so i also like that this ends not in seperation but anticipation for the next "hello" ;)
E.

[Mark]

The price we pay for passion and creativity is sensitivity. Sometimes this hurts. A lot. As you've neatly described here. Nicely written.

Mark

[April Blue]

This is lovely, I could feel the emotions in this poem..

[00000000000000000000000..]

I know the feelings in this seen the same thing happen many years ago. Yeah I thought she was the one and I visited her and she came visited me she was my 1st love when she got ready to leave I held her kissed her and cried. I wish were able to see the future at that time id never cried for her because she ended up cheating on me! Anyways I get the vibe in your words you speak.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Yeah, long distance is truly hard. I am so sorry she cheated on you though. No one deserves that. read moreYeah, long distance is truly hard. I am so sorry she cheated on you though. No one deserves that.

Thank you for reading!

[0000000000000000000000000000]

Not when its a 2 hour drive.It's ok it help me grow in life. And your welcome

[Riddhi]

Long distance love must be really hard..Loving a person who is not near you but that person is always with you..It must be hard missing that person..I loved the way you expressed your feelings ...I can feel the pain as I read this wonderful piece..
Keep writing..

[Amanda Trerotola]

Yes, it can be very hard. I appreciate your feedback.

Thank you for reading! :)

[Chris Shaw]

Parting can be so sorrowful when you love from a distance but that makes the reunions all the sweeter. Good title choice Amanda.

Chris

[Amanda Trerotola]

Yes, it certainly can be painful.

Thank you for reading!

[¿]

I love your imagination! Instead of saying long distance relation you used the frosted glass....just made it poetic of a modern suffering....
I always believe, Goodbyes are never said in a happy mood however we wear a fake smile!
Indeed tis a good read, thanks for sharing☺!

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you for reading!

[¿]

You're heartedly welcome😊!

[Mari' Emeraude]

Kind of bittersweet. It's hard to say goodbye but hopefully makes those reuniting hellos much more enjoyable.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Exactly! Thank you for review. :)

Welcome!

[Lyn Anderson]

Lovely. And a spot on edit from Chris to make it flow beautifully. Long distance love can be the sweetest thing --and make you closer together every time you do see each other.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you! I totally agreed with Chris. What you described about long distance is so true.

[Chris]

It's a Windows world...

"I stood there helplessly and that lied between us" - that lied - what lay?

[Amanda Trerotola]

The door. :) Any suggestion how I can fix this?

[Chris]

I suggested replacing "that lied" with "what lay"
- as for door or computer screen or window glass - THAT - will remain your choice as the author.

[Amanda Trerotola]

Thank you!