An Inconsistent Life

Swirling before our eyes

As whirls and eddies form

Pools of thoughts

Embedded in its substratum, never

To surface past a certain height

Not tall enough to ride life's ride

 

Help cries, no rings

Over, under, no somewhere

Lost, this loss of mind

The bumps and knobby endings

Sliding, not corresponding

Over, under, somewhere

Lost, these thoughts of mind

The cries for help, for Help!

 

Stop! Shouts the buried voices inside

Vocalize! Mobilize! Shout the masses

The apathetic crowd that watches, waiting, as,

For you, to shift through the quagmire of their coach-potato-

-Ness. Next please. Please move. Move! is what you wish to shout,

Shout! At the crowd milling about

Their circular lives, the routines that rarely

Cross, never break into the circles of those unlike themselves, as if

Doing so would cross the bare wires holding the strings of their puppet theater lives, and

Short circuit their quiet livings, break their perfect circles

Of commuter traffic, coffee cups, daily show, and racist jokes

With gossip their lifelines and strangers, newcomers best targets

Its not surprising that racism never dies and progress never breaks free

Of the circles they have cast upon themselves

These circles of trust binding together the ignorant rather than

Furthering causes, driving forward is impossible when caught in a circle

When the world, the Earth moves in an elliptical path, but

After all, this is an Inconsistent Life

 

 

                                    

  

        

Author's Note

the images are supposed to add to the words and are located where they are purposely, what do you think of this? Does it embellish the poem or detract from it? Would it have been better to leave them out entirely?

Reviews

[Travis Lawrence]

I really admire the use of circles in this poem, especially here

"driving forward is impossible when caught in a circle
When the world, the Earth moves in an elliptical path"

I mean, wow, that's a great way of putting this repetition of days, months, years... in the entire world and in our own lives. A lot is going on here, the voice is pushing but nothing moves, I like it a lot!

[EvesDaughter]

Honestly...you don't even need the
images for this wonderful write -
your words create them without
any problem :) This was a great read.

[forsaken_beauty]

I had to read this many times to really get into it, but when I did, i enjoyed it. I personally i wouldnt have added pictures to it, but to each their own. Don't let anyone tell you how to write or what to add to your writing.

[Cylis Derrens]

I'm not sure if I understand a lot of it. There's a number of big metaphors, but I do like the tone and what it seems is the general message. If you were expecting to reach more people perhaps you could change some of the wording.

[Nely Amorim]

I think the images add substance to the poetry and the poetry itself is deep and introspective. It requires a couple of reads, which I do in any case to absorb the meaning.. I really found it to be an affective piece. well done :)

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Great job. It is one of those poems that is deep and mind bending, and so thick with substance you have to read it over again. The words embellish the poem. I liked it personally. You have a distinct style, and that's a good thing.