In your life am I there???

In your life am I there???

A Poem by Ayushi Beura
"

Sometimes when misunderstandings increases, bonds of certain relationships becomes insecure, then these kind of thoughts struggles in our mind to be expressed

"
Its as depth as the sea,
For you to understand me.
Now I should accept the fact that is true,
May be I don't deserve you.
But have I ever knowingly ignored you???
Just be frank ,
Don't keep me under dark,
Is it only as the classmate trends,
Or am I really your friend???
Better if you will make it clear,
Because it is the only way which is fair.
I swear eventhough it will hurt ,
But I will never cry a lot,
Because its better than being lost, 
In the world of this confusion desert.
Where for you I may be there,
But for me I am alone and scared .
You made pretences,
Told nothing is wrong in me as per your sense,
I know you do care,
so please make it clear, 
In your life
am I there???

© 2016 Ayushi Beura



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Reviews

very very very personal, and also as much as its endearing it also feels distant, If you like advice on poetry because of your one-sided portrayal , the "you" can be anything at all since you gave no depth to the character, "you" can also be an illusion, instead of am I there? the readers question about "you" it's up to you, if that's the point you want to portray, you done well, if not, maybe you can make it more humane, more elements, symbolism instead of pure emotions.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Ayushi Beura

10 Months Ago

Thanks for your polite advise and for your kind review I will think about that:)
Good poem.
You really played nicley with the rhymes. One sided love is always eternal. That helps you to build, most out of you. Carry on such work.

My best wishes.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Ayushi Beura

10 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your encouraging words
well your poem is so very relatable....I encountered my own experiences.loved the way you ended your poem....and used it as your title.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Ayushi Beura

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your kind review
Ayushi Beura

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your kind review
It is very important to know where you stand in someone's life.
Your message here is very clear and honest.
A few suggestions:
The opening line "its as depth as the sea", Depth is a noun, you use an adjective to compare. So it should be "as deep as the sea" or if you want to use a noun then you can say, "Its the depth of the sea ( you cannot use "as")
I wouldn't use "under dark" in the 7th line. "don't keep me in the dark", would be better.
Over all a very beautiful poem relating to genuine feelings.

Posted 11 Months Ago


Ayushi Beura

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your suggestion...:)
Ayushi i see here lot of efforts employed to bring emotions down to paper... More like a convo... I can get what u mean to say through this poem...

Everyone wants a place in someone's life... Some get... Some just keep waiting.. I hope u get what u wish for..

Just a suggestion... "false pretences" dosent makes sense.. Remove false... Because pretences itself includes that...

I think this poem can be made more beautiful... Just give it a look and u will get what i mean...

Humblest regards...

Posted 11 Months Ago


Ayushi Beura

11 Months Ago

I just want to clarify something....whatever I have written till now not a single piece is related t.. read more
Devanshu Rajput

11 Months Ago

Ohh thats good... It becomes more tough to write something about when it dosent happen upon ourself... read more
Ayushi Beura

11 Months Ago

"Ek rishta sajhedari ka" on sony tv
It's Really Beautiful, simply Amazing..... Somehow it relates to me . Well done :)

Posted 12 Months Ago


Ayushi Beura

12 Months Ago

Thank you so much for your kind review
rhythmically beautiful!

very captivating poetry you get urself "licked" into. modern words. highlighten thoughts. eye-catching theme. and wonderful choice of words. many lines are my fav. in this poem so am wonder which i have to pick first to show u around so, to make it clear, i guess, i must consider this whole poetry one of my fav. not because it's sad but full of the sorbet of emotionalism. very well said. u open up ur caramelized heart here. great job, sugar.

Posted 12 Months Ago


Ayushi Beura

12 Months Ago

Thank you so much, In fact I loved your review, Its my fav review :) :) :)
ayushi,
The question the poem put forward is a universal one and an enigma to all the erstwhile writers. The quality of the writer is to imbibe a reason and mood as an aim to resolve the enigma. There is all there in a question as above to fill up the reason.

good attempt..


carry on...

m p ramesh

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ayushi Beura

1 Year Ago

Thank you for your review :) :) :)
The questions in the poem. We shall ask often.
" I know you do care,
so please make it clear,
In your life
am I there???"
We need to be part of someone life if they are important to us. Thank you Ayushi for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote


Posted 1 Year Ago


Ayushi Beura

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much for your kind words
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.
"Because its better than being lost,
In the world of this confusion desert.
Where for you I may be there,"

Nothuing like clear communications, clear understanding and clear expressions. They will dispel so many problems and confusions. An excellent write...:).....................

Posted 1 Year Ago


Ayushi Beura

1 Year Ago

Glad that you understood my poem...Thank you for the review
Sami Khalil

1 Year Ago

You are welcome. ....:))))

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Added on September 4, 2016
Last Updated on November 2, 2016


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