The Lover

I had never imagined myself thinking, or even dare having such a plan. Cassandra and I were the happiest together. Between us was a case of pure, true love. Though, I had decided. I had finally chosen what I was going to do. I had to do this myself. I promised myself that I would not fall into the disease-like insanity that remained in Cassandra's mind, but I did. I just did not know it. I was ready to do the job; it was the only way she could stay mine.

I had never been so enchanted by a woman. From the day I laid my eyes upon her, I knew there was something different about her that I was dying to know. Walking up and greeting her on that one fall day was one of the best decisions I had ever made. I proposed a few months after, and we married in a small church in the center of the next town over. We then spent our honeymoon moving into our house that I had inherited from my mother that tragically passed on from influenza about five years earlier.

Cassandra seemed perfectly happy the first year of our marriage. She was never upset, always smiling and laughing. She was such a joyful person. Though, without any warning she began getting depressed. She would sit in our study, quiet and still. She would sometimes write poetry. The beauty of her artwork had always seemed to astonish me, now it just frightens me.

I would check it every day after she left to go to the market. With each poem, her words just seemed to get darker and darker. It always had something to do with the topics of suffering or death. Then, there was the mirror. She had purchased it one afternoon from a traveling merchant while she was away on her daily trip to the market. She presented it to me with such excitement that I did not understand. She showed her first real smile in what seemed like years. I will admit only to myself, that the mirror was a gorgeous work of art. The unique pattern of the wood….it just pulled me in. It soon began to scare me.

Her behavior changed quite abruptly. Instead of writing, she would simply sit on the floor, staring blank into the mirror. I could never gain her attention. I couldn't even feel her presence in the room anymore. She never spoke to me, and hardly ever ate. She became pale and thin. The color seemed to disappear from her face. She wasn't just pale, it seemed as if her skin lacked any kind of pigmentation. She appeared so fragile that I felt that if I touched her she would break into tiny pieces.

I eventually forced myself to move her. I took her to our bedroom, but she just laid there; never moving or talking. Even as I sat next to her holding her hand, I felt as if I was alone in the room. She was simply not there. It was at that moment next to Cassandra that I decided what was best. I knew I had to kill her. I just knew.

It was about midnight, my mind twirling with ideas of how I was going to have joy in doing what I had planned for so long. Or rather, what my plan even was. I hadn't yet thought of how, only of what. I caught myself grinning as I paced the old floors of our home. The soft sounds of her mumbling in her sleep were moving swiftly through my ears from the bedroom. I glanced over to the corner of the kitchen, where a glare from the lamp burning on the counter caught my attention. Next to it, a smooth and shining silver tool was laying next to it.

"Ah, a knife," I whispered, walking towards it.

This was such an unoriginal idea. But, this was only to finish my plan, not attempting to show my creativity. Still pacing, I grabbed the knife from the counter. I walked toward the bedroom and glanced in at her on the bed. Her face was pale, and her lips were a deep flesh-like violet. I slid into the bed beside her, examining her body from head to toe. She looked empty. She did indeed seem to me dead already but I know she was not, only because her chest continued to move slowly with every sad breath she took. Gripping the knife firmly, I got as close to her as possible. Looking her in the eyes, I did not show any bit of expression. As I inhaled with one quick movement, I slid the knife across her throat and dug it into her chest.

I broke down crying and slid from the bed. I sat there screaming, putting my hands to my face to eventually sob into them.

"Why in the hell could I ever imagine doing such a disgrace, but to actually do it? I am a monster." I mumbled to myself.

I had thought for a moment, sitting in the pool of her blood. Still gripping the knife in hand. None of our friends and family had checked up on us for some time. I decided I could simply tell them she went away on a trip and never returned. Yes! Doing so, I could play the victim. Even the one who looked and looked for his dear, lovely bride! I would gain sympathy and no one would know any better.  I could even burn our house down, telling them I lost everything. I'd just say I caused a fire while daydreaming about my lovely Cassandra. Getting rid of two problems with less effort, how delightful. I didn't care if it was selfish. It would work. It had to. I just had to get rid of the body.

I walked a step backward. I stared at Cassandra's empty body that laid on the bed, soaked in her own blood. I quickly walked over next to the bed and picked up all the sheets from it. I then flipped over the mattress and bed frame, watching the bed completely bash her head into the floor boards. I ran into the kitchen. I began panicking. I found a canister of gasoline outside. I kept trying to remember exactly where I saw the lamp, but my rage made it difficult to think clearly.

"Ah, here you are." I whispered, letting a small chuckle escape my throat as I fixated my eyes on the lamp sitting on the counter.

I ran throughout the house, pouring the gasoline over everything with the lamp in my other hand. I stood in the doorway, and tossed the lamp across the room. Watching flames erupt throughout our house, I then turned around and ran. I ran straight through the town, running away from all my secrets I kept for so long in that house. It was over completely, but I still couldn't help the tears streaming down my face. So long, wonderful Cassandra. You'll forever remain in my heart.