Locket

Using a gold locket as a metaphor of my heart.

 There was a golden key to my heart.

My heart was a locket, a stronghold.

The key was the item which would keep apart,

The ones who loved me and the ones who didn't.

 

The key was pressed into my hand.

Never to be used to lock up my heart.

So my locket was pushed over gentle lands.

Until the hills fell away to cliffs.

 

A crack formed from the top to the lock.

Split by the tumble and the unexpected cliff.

I realized it was cracked and saw the cliffs mock.

Holding back tears, I mended the crack.

 

As best as I could, I pieced the pieces into one.

And then by morning, I had locked my heart.

But I could see and feel the damage that was done.

For I was never the same as before.

 

My key had been sitting unused for so long.

I hoped it would stay this way.

But now those good old days are gone.

So my heart hardens and I turn my back.

 

I walk back to the gentle lands.

But even those seem so different now.

It seemed so hopeless, like a dead end.

What green there had been was now brown.

 

I kept the key in my shirt.

But my heart was now locked up for good.

Because what those cliffs had not hurt...

Was locked up tight, never to be touched.

 

I had never used the key until that day.

And now the locket is locked.

Now my brightness has turned to gray.

My heart, the locket, was much smaller than before.

 

There was a golden key to my heart.

It was a locket, a stronghold.

The key was the item which would keep apart,

The ones who loved me and the ones who didn't.

 

There are some who used to love.

Some who did, then hated.

It was like ugliness hidden in a silk glove.

But that glove was pulled off in the end.

 

I see bleakness ahead, and also hope.

My locket is now closed, but it can be reopened.

And why not move on, why just mope?

Because those hills will always love me.

Reviews

[Ees]

In the second line things actually get a little confused was the key a locket or was the heart a locket? I know it makes more sense as a heart, but I feel like some clarification in that line would help the reader get into the poem a little more.
Other than that this poem is pretty good, the flow is iffy in a few places, but reading aloud should help you fix that if you feel the need to.
interesting story poem.
nice work

[Lone Wolf]

Thank you, Ees! Thanks for taking the time to read and review. It's great to know that my work can always improve. The key is the key to a locket, which is a heart. I'll fix the misunderstanding there.
Thanks again for reviewing!
~Owl

[Anna Blackburn]

I feel like your start and end are really strong, but somewhere you lose the flow and it kind of crumbles. You may disagree, but it does seem a bit... blotchy? I cant describe it perfectly.

[Lone Wolf]

Thanks, Anna.
I did write this when I was really distressed--a good friend had just abandoned me, but thanks for giving me your idea of this poem! Can you tell me where I lost the flow?
Thanks!
~Lone Wolf

[Anna Blackburn]

The second or third stanza... I'm thinking that the word choice portrays the poem in a forced, choppy tone.

[Wolfwind]

Like a song sung by a bard of old, this piece tells us of a sweeping tale of one's heart and it's journey's across the land of life. Each stanza holds a scene within the mind. Each of the scene weave together to paint a flow of imagery that is akin to a fair tale, yet down to earth like a breeze across the waving reeds of grass.

What I really enjoyed about this piece was it's extremely smooth pace. It was a piece that needed to be read slowly and thuroughly to capture all of the little shards of vision that the piece held. Yet, in the end we see that those shards painted a diamond of hope upon the horizon. And with all things, hope does spring eternal.

I don't really have a suggestion that could make this piece any better. But I do have a question about the Golden Key and the Locket. Through most of the piece, those two items seem to be different things. Yet it the very first two lines, the way it is written, it appears as if they are the same item. Which one was it? The same, or different?

Overall, A really awesome work of ink! Muchly Enjoyed!
Aaron - Wolfwind

[Lone Wolf]

Thanks for taking your time to read and review my ink! Now that I read it again, it does seem like the locket and key are one thing...thanks for pointing that out!
I really appreciate your feedback. Good reading and good eyes!
~Owl