Long and Rocky Road

Long and Rocky Road

A Story by barleygirl
"

true story . . .

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Disclaimer: As with any telling of how a large family interacts, this is simply my point of view. Of course others will see things differently, but I’m the one crafting this story. Write your own story if you want to show your viewpoint.

My sister Dorothy started out her life as an only child for a few years. Since her father (not my father) was out gallivanting, our mother was lonely and insecure. Mom poured herself into raising her young firstborn daughter. Later my narcissistic father moved in next door and the ensuing abuse lasted decades.

By the time I was born, Dorothy was starting her teenage years. Imagine a new man entering the picture and dominating our mother’s ability to respond from natural protective instincts. Imagine a raucous blended family of nine kids eventually blotting out the specialness Dorothy felt with mom initially.

Mom and my father have two kids together: Gordon and me. It seems we two youngest kids might’ve represented everything that went wrong when our father entered the picture. I remember being severely criticized for personality traits that reminded my older siblings of my oppressive and aggressive dad.

Dorothy was sexually abused by my father all through her teenage years. She bolted as soon as she could and went on to self-abuse by choosing wild living and bad men. This is what I did too, and many such victims do. The most damaging thing my sister did to herself was gaining an extra two hundred pounds to hide the shame her body represented. Or maybe it was her first marriage to a mean jerk who held a gun to her head to get his way. Rather than understanding, Dorothy got condemnation from mom and dad.

Life swallowed up my sister during my later growing-up years. I rarely saw or talked to her, even though she was originally my favorite sister. Dorothy allowed the toddler me to sit on her bed while she did her sophisticated teenage stuff and I played with her make-up and accessories. Then poof! She was gone.

Over the years, this happened quite a bit. At one point, Dorothy was incommunicado for more than ten years. I wrote letters regularly, inviting her back into my life, but my overtures were returned unopened. At various times when my sister finally let me back in, I was always overjoyed and adoring. We hit it off like the missing years never happened. This might last a year, but Dorothy would always cut me out of her life for many more years after that.

The last time we were in contact was about three years ago. She heard about my neck surgery and reached out -- the only time Dorothy made the first overture. We talked on the phone once a week and had to stop ourselves after an hour or two of non-stop sharing. Since she was finishing up a second round of chemo, I invited her to come recuperate here in my gorgeous natural setting.

Dorothy stayed with me for two amazingly peaceful weeks. I cooked for her and fussed over her and told her many times: “I want you to stay in my life and be part of my life. I will love you forever.”

For some unexplained reason, my sister got up in the middle of the night and started packing her things to leave. I got up and tried to help, but she was grouchy and picky about how things were being done, so I stopped. I went back to lie down on my bed, listening to her exertions as she prepared to go. Finally she drove off without even saying “goodbye” or “f**k you.”

I wrote emails and tried to reach out on Facebook, but it was clear the door was slammed on me once again. That’s when I gave up on Dorothy for the last time. I’ll never let her dump on me again.

Yesterday Dorothy finally calls after a few years of snubbing me. She acts like there’s no bad blood at all. As a self-proclaimed psychic, she “saw” in her meditations that I might need help, so that’s why she called. After asking insistently, several times: “are you okay?” . . . I told her: “I wouldn’t want help from you even if I wasn’t okay. Goodbye.”

And I hung up the phone for the last time. Gawd that felt good.




© 2017 barleygirl



Author's Note

barleygirl
Thank you for your kind understanding (((HUGS)))

My Review

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Featured Review

I can understand your frustration with the uncertainty of a relationship like that. You appear to have successfully found your niche after years of trauma and intend to guard it. Sometimes a protective barrier is necessary, as long as it is not so completely impenetrable that it becomes a self perpetuating prison.
But I feel you are too astute for that. Keep your sense of humour, Margie. It is a very strong ally.
((( Hugs)))




Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

At about the same time this final split happened between my sister & me, I started going beyond my b.. read more



Reviews

I think you have done the best thing. You have already tried and endured a lot for a bond that may not gave been the same for the other person. I can very well understand your feelings as I myself endured a lot from someone dearest.some really do not how to maintain the sanctity of relationships. To let the person know that he/she exists no more for me I had shut the door. My short sextet" cease to exist " was written for that person..
Some people are just not worth our kindness, love or friendship. They just give us pain. It is better to keep distance with them or shutting the door permanently.Nothing wrong with it.
I wouldn't have been so kind and caring as you have been for that long. In the end you did the right thing..
Thank you for sharing, Margie...


Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

Thank you for sharing your gentle thoughts about how it can be to break a longterm bond with family .. read more
Bala Gorthi

4 Months Ago

This kind of sharing makes us understand the complexities of relations and how people endure and dea.. read more
I grew up in a large family as well, 5 siblings on my mom's side and 3 on my dad's side. The whole thing with Dorothy, I'm glad you were finally able to see the toxicity of that particular relationship and were able to tell her "no more". There are some relationships in life that just can not be repaired. Wonderful piece.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

Thank for the sincere encouragement. It took years to get to this point, but it felt good to finally.. read more
Kesha

4 Months Ago

You are very welcome :)
Found yourself, and move forward. Few words, but truthful.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

Thanks for hearing my story & understanding.
Nothing as weird as kin. You've had some life Margie.
You should be out there counselling. Real life, real experience. As for your sister. You can only help people if they want it. When they start to impact in your own sanity. It's time to say goodbye. Or in your case. Bugger off sister.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

You have me pegged! Actually I'm only on a even-keel becuz I rarely interact with humans these days!.. read more
These goings-on are a mystery to me, but one i need to acknowledge and learn from. If only i could fly to and around you, hug and say, 'There, there' - for what those silly words would mean to someone who's gone through physical and mental abuse by way of your parent and sibling.. In fact everything life has chucked at you..

As ever, luv, your writing is gently concise but natural, drawing readers deeper and deeper into your courage. Albeit damp and damper with tears. No more to say, but thank you for being who and what you are. (My friend)

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

I can feel your (((HUGS))) from here & I so appreciate your ever-warm feelings! When I tell my story.. read more
Your relationship with your sister is somewhat like the one I have with my father. Like yours, he was an abusive man, though not to the extent he was it seems. When I became old enough to start making my own decisions, I put him out of my life. We would only see each other at holidays, where we act normally and maturely. Some time later, I wondered if I was letting my childhood fears control me, so I started communicating with him again. Things started off fine, but it wasn't long before he started treating me like a small child, trying to make me do the things he wanted me to do and trying to control my life. So I shut him out for a while before ultimately giving him another chance. Rinse and repeat. I've been hesitant to properly end our relationship because, well, family is family. But sometimes it really is best to do what you did with your sister. Those kind of relationships just aren't good to have. We sometimes need to distance ourselves from those who won't move on in order for us to heal.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

Thank you for sharing your own family experience, I totally understand that feeling of going back ag.. read more
Well done for writing this personal account of an abusive situation. I think it will help other people, who identify, to realise that they have to 'let go' and get on with their own lives. However you childhood life does seem to have given you lots of creativity.

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

Yes, I'm definitely one of the kids from my family not crushed by this brokenness. Tried to be there.. read more
We don't get to pick our family, but somehow we get put together in the same house and left to figure it all out for ourselves...and to a greater extent we adapt to whatever is thrown at us.
Looking from the outside in is always the easiest place to judge from, but I bet if everyone thought of one word to describe each of their family members, wrote them down and gave them to a psychiatrist, they would probably advise against these people sharing a zipcode, let alone a home. :)
Even in anger and frustration, the familial shines through, with you talking about sitting on her bed playing with make up while she was busy being a teenager. Even those who bring out the worst in us and themselves, remember easier times like those with fondness.
So, in summation..Yeah, your family is crazy, so is mine and everyone else's, but family is family and you standing up to your sis when you most likely need her most, shows that no one comes through family unscathed.
ps...I'd ask my family what their one word answer for me is, but I'm pretty sure I already know :)


Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

Thank you for sharing your many thoughts of familial brokenness . . . it's always good to get other .. read more
sometimes you do just have to hangup, shut the door, and stop allowing her to determine the basis of your relationship... ((((MARGIE)))) I know this was hard and also understand how good breaking free can be...

redzone

Posted 4 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Months Ago

You've definitely captured my meaning perfectly, my friend & I appreciate the way you're so empathet.. read more

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Added on July 14, 2017
Last Updated on July 14, 2017

Author

barleygirl
barleygirl

Central Coast, CA



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Just loving life & sharing my blessings. more..

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