Beyond Comprehension

Beyond Comprehension

A Poem by barleygirl
"

never had the courage to be a parent . . .

"


Beyond my comprehension how it must feel
to have one’s heart crushed by losing a child
perhaps a searing pain that won’t ever heal
each glimmer of joy snuffed out and defiled.

I can never know how a parent might feel
I hadn’t the courage to open that door
to parent a child must take nerves of steel
vast vulnerability beyond each heart soar.

I’ve always been certain I’d crumble to dust
if I had a child that could somehow be taken
childhood abuse trampled my will to trust
the certainty of my choice has never shaken.

Please forgive if my intention seems weak
if my empathy sounds fake and patched
I haven’t words and I don’t want to shriek
my silence doesn’t mean I’m detached.




© 2017 barleygirl



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Featured Review

It is truly stated by someone that a child changes everything. I am not the person I used to be, reckless, assured, confident, casual. I'm now a trembling, worrying parent, who pleads with God every moment, for the safety of her kids. The littlest things send me into paroxysmal bouts of irrational fears.

You have so touched my heart with this poem, my dear friend. Your choices as shaped by the experiences of your childhood may have not lead you to actually experience parenthood yet your empathy for those who have, is amazing and awesome.

Once again, beautiful rhyming verses with great flow, packed with insight and emotion, make this poem outstanding.

God bless your wise and wonderful pen!

Posted 4 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Weeks Ago

Thank you for sharing your life experience upon becoming a parent! I didn't understand my siblings w.. read more



Reviews

I may never know what it feels like, but I do think it is as terrifying as you state. A constant state of anxiety to make sure your child is safe and alright. Beautifully expressed!

Posted 3 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

3 Weeks Ago

Thank you for understanding my point of view . . . sometimes as writers we have to put ourselves in .. read more
It is truly stated by someone that a child changes everything. I am not the person I used to be, reckless, assured, confident, casual. I'm now a trembling, worrying parent, who pleads with God every moment, for the safety of her kids. The littlest things send me into paroxysmal bouts of irrational fears.

You have so touched my heart with this poem, my dear friend. Your choices as shaped by the experiences of your childhood may have not lead you to actually experience parenthood yet your empathy for those who have, is amazing and awesome.

Once again, beautiful rhyming verses with great flow, packed with insight and emotion, make this poem outstanding.

God bless your wise and wonderful pen!

Posted 4 Weeks Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

4 Weeks Ago

Thank you for sharing your life experience upon becoming a parent! I didn't understand my siblings w.. read more
Children start breaking your heart the moment, that very second they take their first breath, and I'd venture to say even before that...when your brain's inner marquee starts trolling past your inner eyes showing you all the possible ways that they can be hurt...emotionally and physically. Inner heartbreak begins when they do, and outer heartbreak begins when any of the things you imagined actually happen. I have told my son many times: there is no one on the planet, no one breathing, that I love more than him, no man, woman or another child, to include my own mother has ownership of the amount of love that I have for him. He's 38, now, and I think he might finally understand that. Losing one...my mother has lost two, out of four, and I know that it's only her strong faith that keeps her upright and going forward until her own last steps and breath. I do not think that I have that kind of faith. I will be forever grieve my mother when she goes...but I recognize that as a natural order in life and death. I grieve my recently deceased brother (December 2016) as I had an "adult" history with him and we had a very similar sense of humor. I will grieve the father of my childhood (we are estranged), but...my child? When I pray for him, I pray that I go before him, as human nature understands the "order" of life and death, even when a parent is taken at a young age. When a 6 year old child was shot repeatedly by hijackers (instead of just puttin him out of the car), I wrote A Mother's Loss, as I can hear myself screaming at well-wishers that I don't want to hear about "God's Plan", "His will", etc. You're allowed to be mad at God, he forgives this and understands it. Some never come back to seek His Grace, but many do. I would hope that I would be one to come back, but, that's a scenario too painful to contemplate (more than once, hence - A Mother's Loss) and try not to "borrow trouble" as my mother says quite frequently. Your words reflect that, while you cannot ever "know" it, you have some understanding that surpasses many, many who have children. Hats off, barleygirl. Don't know what prompted this...but it is timely and poignant.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

A high school friend recently found her adult son hanging from a rope . . . that, & the frequent new.. read more
I feel the same way in some aspect. I want to love romantically, but I am so distant from most people that I don't even have the capacity to say "I love you" to my family. It's an odd feeling... So, I don't know about marriage, either. It's not out of fear or mistrust, as in your case. I can't understand that because I have never been abused. Although, living in a family where members constantly died in my childhood 'til now made me a bit numb. I can't imagine how it felt when my mother lost one of her daughters to a surgical "accident", something that could have been prevented. I can't imagine any mother going through that, even though I endured the same tragedy.

I guess what I am trying to say is that even though you haven't experienced that pain, it does not mean you can't empathize with others. Your poem truly shows that empathy towards those parents who felt the pain of losing their children, and that is a very beautiful element of human character.

Wonderful job!

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

I always appreciate it when a caring reader like you shares such a detailed glimpse into other lives.. read more
You are far from detached Margie, on the contrary, you are right up there and in the thick of it with the best of them. This is a heart wrending write crammed full of pertinent disclosure and an honesty one rarely encounters these days.....Very moving indeed, N

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

Sometimes I feel very detached from the crowd of FB friends posting scads of g-kids pics, etc. So yo.. read more
Neville Pettitt

1 Month Ago

Some folk have little else to do. Sadly, it makes a lot of them feel important. Some of them are of .. read more
When I was working as a young medical photographer, I saw so many deformed children that I never wanted to get married. Fortunately, for me, my horizons changed, but it took several years before I had the courage to "take the plunge".
However, I can empathise with your poem,, Margie , as experience can colour your concepts and decisions.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do that job, either! Thanks for sharing your experience .. read more
You find out what you are. Not saying it is easy. It was simpler being the uncle.

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

I understand the "uncle" comment perfectly! Thanks for showing me you understand (((HUGS))) Fondly, .. read more
I think one often goes into parenting with a different set of thoughts. That our amazing child will come to no harm. It can be a shock to feel the pain of even small bumps a long the way amplified in one's own heart.
My heart skips a beat for those parents who face this and for the would be parents who can't bear the possibility.
Well written. Thank you.


Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

As the youngest of nine kids in an abusive family full of divorce, I saw estrangements by the dozen .. read more
The suffering that destroys, every single second, that amputates a living heart. No pain worse. Time does not heal this. And yet you go on living, like a ghost. Your words are compassionate,well-meaning and heartfelt in this beautiful poem Margie. You have a good heart and you hurt for these tragedies. Excellent form, flow, cadence, rhyme.Honest and raw emotion. Deeply moving.





Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

Thank you for sharing the descriptive words that I could not conjure up! You nailed it! I appreciate.. read more
Annette Pisano Higley

1 Month Ago

Hou are so welcome Margie!:)
How do such ugly notions raise their head,
to lose a child—the deepest kind of dread.
But lest the horror really show its face
Why would our minds go stumbling to this place?

We're told by some who clearly do not know
That other things in life in quickly grow,
to fill our lives and bring another smile.
Such soothing words can only raise our bile.

The aching in our craw will not be eased,
by 'snapping out' or 'getting over'—Please!
Nor will the favored words 'a better place,'
do ought but flood the tears onto the face

Somewhere within our distant world, some friend,
we've known has felt the pain of offspring's end,
and watched the 'What if I.." or other guilt
brought on as longing and frustration built.

Let's hope the thought that brought this fear to mind,
is something that is quickly left behind


Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

1 Month Ago

WOW! WOW! And WOW! Your poem overshadows mine by far! Whereas I'm feeling inept at finding words, yo.. read more
This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Norbanus

1 Month Ago

Your verse ripped off the scab of time for me,
and brought back bitter memories of when,
read more

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Added on October 19, 2017
Last Updated on October 19, 2017

Author

barleygirl
barleygirl

Central Coast, CA



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Just loving life & sharing my blessings. more..

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