Beyond Comprehension

Beyond Comprehension

A Poem by barleygirl
"

never had the courage to be a parent . . .

"


Beyond my comprehension how it must feel
to have one’s heart crushed by losing a child
perhaps a searing pain that won’t ever heal
each glimmer of joy snuffed out and defiled.

I can never know how a parent might feel
I hadn’t the courage to open that door
to parent a child must take nerves of steel
vast vulnerability beyond each heart soar.

I’ve always been certain I’d crumble to dust
if I had a child that could somehow be taken
childhood abuse trampled my will to trust
the certainty of my choice has never shaken.

Please forgive if my intention seems weak
if my empathy sounds fake and patched
I haven’t words and I don’t want to shriek
my silence doesn’t mean I’m detached.




© 2017 barleygirl



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Featured Review

It is truly stated by someone that a child changes everything. I am not the person I used to be, reckless, assured, confident, casual. I'm now a trembling, worrying parent, who pleads with God every moment, for the safety of her kids. The littlest things send me into paroxysmal bouts of irrational fears.

You have so touched my heart with this poem, my dear friend. Your choices as shaped by the experiences of your childhood may have not lead you to actually experience parenthood yet your empathy for those who have, is amazing and awesome.

Once again, beautiful rhyming verses with great flow, packed with insight and emotion, make this poem outstanding.

God bless your wise and wonderful pen!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

11 Months Ago

Thank you for sharing your life experience upon becoming a parent! I didn't understand my siblings w.. read more



Reviews

You are no way detached Margie. You understand their pain and you are there for them. Lucky are those friends and family to have you in their lives - u ar there for them is what I understand from your words.

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

5 Months Ago

Thank you for your kind words, my friend, but I really am detached. The thing about being online -- .. read more
Having a child is a beautiful experience. I have 3 kids, all grown up and I have 3 grandsons, I do always worry about them and always will. I know plenty of women that don't want to have children and there is nothing wrong with that!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

5 Months Ago

I admire your enthusiasm as you describe how motherhood & grammahood has been for you! I'm happy for.. read more
Parenthood is a lifetime works once a mother always a mother and fathers feel the same way about the love of a child at least from my point of View.
God Bless You Margie

Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

10 Months Ago

Parenthood is the big mystery to me! Thanks for your sweet blessings (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie
I may never know what it feels like, but I do think it is as terrifying as you state. A constant state of anxiety to make sure your child is safe and alright. Beautifully expressed!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

11 Months Ago

Thank you for understanding my point of view . . . sometimes as writers we have to put ourselves in .. read more
It is truly stated by someone that a child changes everything. I am not the person I used to be, reckless, assured, confident, casual. I'm now a trembling, worrying parent, who pleads with God every moment, for the safety of her kids. The littlest things send me into paroxysmal bouts of irrational fears.

You have so touched my heart with this poem, my dear friend. Your choices as shaped by the experiences of your childhood may have not lead you to actually experience parenthood yet your empathy for those who have, is amazing and awesome.

Once again, beautiful rhyming verses with great flow, packed with insight and emotion, make this poem outstanding.

God bless your wise and wonderful pen!

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

11 Months Ago

Thank you for sharing your life experience upon becoming a parent! I didn't understand my siblings w.. read more
Children start breaking your heart the moment, that very second they take their first breath, and I'd venture to say even before that...when your brain's inner marquee starts trolling past your inner eyes showing you all the possible ways that they can be hurt...emotionally and physically. Inner heartbreak begins when they do, and outer heartbreak begins when any of the things you imagined actually happen. I have told my son many times: there is no one on the planet, no one breathing, that I love more than him, no man, woman or another child, to include my own mother has ownership of the amount of love that I have for him. He's 38, now, and I think he might finally understand that. Losing one...my mother has lost two, out of four, and I know that it's only her strong faith that keeps her upright and going forward until her own last steps and breath. I do not think that I have that kind of faith. I will be forever grieve my mother when she goes...but I recognize that as a natural order in life and death. I grieve my recently deceased brother (December 2016) as I had an "adult" history with him and we had a very similar sense of humor. I will grieve the father of my childhood (we are estranged), but...my child? When I pray for him, I pray that I go before him, as human nature understands the "order" of life and death, even when a parent is taken at a young age. When a 6 year old child was shot repeatedly by hijackers (instead of just puttin him out of the car), I wrote A Mother's Loss, as I can hear myself screaming at well-wishers that I don't want to hear about "God's Plan", "His will", etc. You're allowed to be mad at God, he forgives this and understands it. Some never come back to seek His Grace, but many do. I would hope that I would be one to come back, but, that's a scenario too painful to contemplate (more than once, hence - A Mother's Loss) and try not to "borrow trouble" as my mother says quite frequently. Your words reflect that, while you cannot ever "know" it, you have some understanding that surpasses many, many who have children. Hats off, barleygirl. Don't know what prompted this...but it is timely and poignant.

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

12 Months Ago

A high school friend recently found her adult son hanging from a rope . . . that, & the frequent new.. read more
I feel the same way in some aspect. I want to love romantically, but I am so distant from most people that I don't even have the capacity to say "I love you" to my family. It's an odd feeling... So, I don't know about marriage, either. It's not out of fear or mistrust, as in your case. I can't understand that because I have never been abused. Although, living in a family where members constantly died in my childhood 'til now made me a bit numb. I can't imagine how it felt when my mother lost one of her daughters to a surgical "accident", something that could have been prevented. I can't imagine any mother going through that, even though I endured the same tragedy.

I guess what I am trying to say is that even though you haven't experienced that pain, it does not mean you can't empathize with others. Your poem truly shows that empathy towards those parents who felt the pain of losing their children, and that is a very beautiful element of human character.

Wonderful job!

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

12 Months Ago

I always appreciate it when a caring reader like you shares such a detailed glimpse into other lives.. read more
You are far from detached Margie, on the contrary, you are right up there and in the thick of it with the best of them. This is a heart wrending write crammed full of pertinent disclosure and an honesty one rarely encounters these days.....Very moving indeed, N

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

12 Months Ago

Sometimes I feel very detached from the crowd of FB friends posting scads of g-kids pics, etc. So yo.. read more
Neville Pettitt

12 Months Ago

Some folk have little else to do. Sadly, it makes a lot of them feel important. Some of them are of .. read more
When I was working as a young medical photographer, I saw so many deformed children that I never wanted to get married. Fortunately, for me, my horizons changed, but it took several years before I had the courage to "take the plunge".
However, I can empathise with your poem,, Margie , as experience can colour your concepts and decisions.

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

12 Months Ago

I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do that job, either! Thanks for sharing your experience .. read more
You find out what you are. Not saying it is easy. It was simpler being the uncle.

Posted 12 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

barleygirl

12 Months Ago

I understand the "uncle" comment perfectly! Thanks for showing me you understand (((HUGS))) Fondly, .. read more

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Added on October 19, 2017
Last Updated on October 19, 2017

Author

barleygirl
barleygirl

Central Coast, CA



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Just loving life & sharing my blessings. more..

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