Premise

~*~

 

     It was nearly midnight and entire Hale household was draped in silent darkness. Indeed, all that could be heard was the monotonous hum of various household appliances and ventilation. The night was cool, chilly even, and a distant threat of rain loomed on the dark horizon. Nyrien Hale sat perched on her windowsill, her pale arms tightly folded around her knees, bringing them up to her chest. Her heart-shaped face was pressed against the window, her breath fogging the cool glass. She stared out into the distance, avidly searching for something and yet she did not know exactly what it was she was searching for. Yet something was pricking at the back of her mind and so her gaze remained fixed towards the horizon.

 

   The silence became complete. Not a single sound could be heard now - it was as if the place had been sucked into a vacuum. Nyrien, for some reason, hardly dared to breathe. And then she saw it. Amdist the darkness and silence, an ethereal shimmering emerald flash burst across the horizon for a single half of a second. And then it vanished.

 

     Nyrien dashed for the nearest phone she could find.

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

 

     Pick up, Pick UP! Nyrien thought in frustration.  She was well aware of the late hour, but that was no excuse for Rakhan’s ignoring her call.  Most anybody else would be in bed at such an hour but Nyrien knew for a fact that Rakahn would be up, most likely composing some poem or the other or brainstorming on a twist in the plot for a new series he was writing: “Who killed Jesse Kirk?” Whatever he was doing, he seemed to be so wrapped up in it that he either wasn’t hearing the frequent ringing or was hearing it and ignoring it completely.  Nyrien was just about to hang up in angry submission when she heard a click and Rakahn’s poetic voice.

     “Yes, Nyri?” He sounded almost as frustrated as she felt.

     “What’s with the tone?  If anyone should be annoyed, it should be me! Why on earth weren’t you picking up?” Nyrien rushed.

     “You would be annoyed too if you were in the middle of a literary breakthrough and someone completely broke off your concentration,” Rakahn reasoned.

Nyrien sighed in frustration. “But I’m your best friend.” she retorted.

     “Yes, which is why you of all people would understand how I am when I’m writing.”

     “Oh, I understand all right.  You shut yourself up and lock yourself away from civilization like it was the Dark Ages; but anyway, this is not a time to argue with you.  I saw the green flash.”

     “As in the usual green flash or-,”

     “It couldn’t have been the usual green flash, it was after 12!  No, it was the other green flash.”

     “As in -,”

     “Precisely.”

There was a brief pause, and then…

     “Uh-oh.  This…we…I mean….it couldn’t’ve been the Diamond right?”  Rakahn sounded nervous. 

     “I don’t see what else it could be.  I personally set up that signal to go off the minute the Diamond fell into the wrong hands.”

   Rakahn released a heavy sigh on the other end of the line.  Nyrien understood this reaction.  She was feeling much the same way.  Just two months ago, she and Rakahn had managed to pull off an incredibly difficult, high risk mission in a tyrannical city in another realm, involving the capture of the city’s foundational source " the Felicity Diamond.  The Diamond was an enchanted object that, with the aid of a gem called the key, fulfilled the desire of its possessor.  Once Nyrien and Rakahn had managed to secure the Diamond, the city was thrown into a state of chaos, along with all of its inhabitants who, of course, vowed revenge on whoever was responsible for this devastating breach of their security.  Luckily, the only people who knew that Nyrien and Rakahn, along with some others, were responsible for the operation were those belonging to an organization that had hired them to carry out the task in the first place. 

 

     Just one year ago, Nyrien had had the shock of being sucked into another realm " the ‘Secret Realm’ as she knew it (the elder inhabitants had not deemed her trustworthy enough to divulge the place’s true name).  Apparently, the people of the Realm had heard of her excellent qualifications in the industry of high espionage and hence decided to recruit her talents.  Nyrien had not quite been ready to be plummeted into the midst of the bedlam that existed in this strange, new territory; however, she quickly adjusted.  She grew fond of the Secret Realm life and was impressed by the mind-boggling technological advancement of its modern regions.  She had also managed to befriend a few Realm civilians, most of whom were already associated with the Organization.  These friends had assisted her in one way or the other in her discreet (and sometimes not-so-discreet) operations. 

 

     The mission involving the theft of the Felicity Diamond from the city of Darkwater had required quite a team effort. The task was so high-risk that three people had almost died. Needless to say, Nyrien was feeling quite disturbed about the fact that the Diamond was no longer secure.  If it turned out that the captors were from Darkwater, it meant that lives were about to be endangered, and she and Rakahn had to act. Fast.

     “Kahn, we have to go. Now,” Nyrien said, trying to mask the fear in her voice.

     “What, do you mean now as in right now?” Rakahn did not do a very good job at disguising the fear in his. 

     “Yes!  I mean no.  It’d be too risky if we go separately, I mean remember what happened last time?  It took me three days to find you.  No, we have to meet, now, and then go…so do a two minute pack and meet me in the alleyway between Crimson Lane and Jones Avenue.”

     “Got it.  See you in 10.”

     There was a click and Nyrien put the phone down.  She raced towards her closet, pulled out a change of clothes, and hastily stuffed it in the nearest duffel bag she could find.  She then rushed to her dresser and seized a flashlight, a mirror and a candlestick.  After packing these, she fumbled around under her bed and emerged a minute later with a strange looking watch and a tattered old map.  She scribbled a short note and left it on her desk before dashing out of the door.  The note consisted of only 5 words:

 

 

 

 

Emergency Mission. France.

                                                                                        Don’t contact.    

                    -Nyri

 

 

Nyrien had already reached outside the front door when she froze.

   “Oh shoot,” she smacked her head and raced back inside, into the kitchen and took up a box of matches close to the silverware drawer.  Confident that she had all she needed for the time being, Nyrien rushed back out the door and sprinted to where she would be meeting Rakahn.  The alleyway was ominously dark, but Nyrien was able to spot Rakahn’s lank form against one of the garbage bins. 

     “What took you so long?” his voice echoed out as she made her way toward him. 

     “Oh, shut up Kahn,” Nyrien rolled her eyes, “I only took so long because I had to look for necessities I’m sure you would’ve forgotten to pack.”

     “What, you mean like these?” Rakahn reached inside his backpack and switched on his flashlight to reveal a small hand-mirror, a box of matches, and a silver spoon.

Nyrien blinked.

     “Oh fleece, I forgot the silver…”

     “Ha.  Thank God for my genius eh?”  Rakahn elbowed her teasingly.

     “Whatever. Anyway, let’s get this going.” Nyrien pulled out her candlestick and borrowed Rakahn’s mirror and match box. 

     “Hold this,” she instructed, handing him the candlestick. He took it and held it up to the mirror Nyrien was holding.  She struck the match and a flame enveloped the tip of the match briefly before flickering out due to the slight breeze that night.

     “Oh, for Pete’s sake and mine, come on!”  Nyrien grunted in frustration and struck another match.  The flame went out as quickly as the first.  Nyrien groaned.  It was only on the fifth try that they were able to light the candle successfully. 

     “Okay, we need to say the words now before the flame goes out,” Nyrien whispered anxiously. 

     “Wow, Nyri, I had no idea,” Rakahn replied sarcastically, taking her hand.  He held up the silver spoon and together they whispered:

 

Kie ne legraille, ne legraille au gre beriu ne haielre…

 

     As soon as they had finished, the flame from the candle lengthened and stretched over to the border of the mirror, so that it became a fire lining the reflective surface.  Nyrien let go of the mirror as it lengthened and broadened until it became a portal surrounded by flickering flames.  The surface of the mirror then began to ripple, slowly at first, and then gaining speed until it was rippling at a furious pace.  At last, the surface broke, sending a powerful gush of air forward that blew Nyrien and Rakahn backward before reversing direction and inexorably sucking them through the portal.  There was a great whoosh, a brief moment of impenetrable darkness, and then the pair fell through faces-first onto a grassy field.

     Nyrien got up first and hoisted Rakahn to his feet.  After dusting themselves off, they glanced around.  It was twilight, and they were back in the Secret Realm. 

   “Well,” said Rakahn, flinging his backpack over his shoulder, “here we go again….”

Author's Note

My concern about this chapter is mainly credibility. Does the plot sound legitimate enough? Does it make you want to read more? If not, what can I do to make it more believable, as far as modern/fantasy stories go?

Reviews

[Wendy Seames Garner]

An interesting story, and well written. There are just a couple of things I'm wondering about: "Apparently, the people of the Realm had heard of her excellent qualifications in the industry of high espionage and hence decided to recruit her talents." What I'm wondering is how the people of the Realm heard about Nyrien's talents and how she came to have these talents.

[Mary]

this is very well written but i think it tells too much in a rush which kinda leaves you feeling like your missing important pieces to the puzzle. Is there previous chapters that go with this or is this the very begining?

[patricia]

beautiful beginning, and loved the italics there. The whole of that block was sheer descriptive poetry.
This is why i gave up writing my book, because i couldnt write like this, the way you take us through the detail when she or he is packing the bag, was almost Proustian and superb.
(suggestion) matches seems out of date ...perhaps lighter would be better?
The...as soon as paragraph was outstanding.

An incredibly talented write.
bye for now.

[Priya]

It is fantasy, right? Why wouldn't the plot sound credible enough? :D It is wonderful, I daresay. I do not know of any technical matters as regards writing fiction, but I do know that your style of writing is fluent and comprehensible. I now understand what you advised me about. The way you present the dialogue is really easy to follow. The story itself is marvelous. I can't wait to read what happens next :)

P.S. There are a few typos. Proof read, maybe?

[AK]

I loved it! The story seems interesting and so does the plot. Now if you'll excuse me, I want to read the next chapter!

[E. Ryan Miller]

The plot is legit. And I really like your imagery. It entices the imagination. The whole chapter catches your interest, and the backstory is interesting.