Diary Jan.19.12

past life, present life

I can recall a little over a decade ago when my dad lost his job, we had no electric, no water, no food for a whole year. I always wonder how and why I'm still here today. We took baths in the river and when it was winter, we would wait for the warmest part of the day to take a dip even if we had to break some ice to make a small hole to bath in. Had to use a washboard to wash my clothes and brought the toothbrush down and just brushed my teeth with riverwater, no money to buy things like toothpaste and such. It was really bad back then, all I can say is, I'm a survivor. I can just see it one day, it could be like that again or worse, for people with no sense, they wouldn't know what to do but fear for the worst. I know 1 thing, I would always do my chores without being yelled at, do my homework, then if there was time I would stay out with friends for a couple of hours. I can say I had my wild days even though I wasn't really that wild. I just feel so old now, turning 28 and taking care of my parents as always and keeping close relationships with my brother and nephew. I can say there is some changes to be made in my life and that, I don't know what yet. Life has been a hard one at times for me, people always made fun of my really white skin color but come to find out I have a heart problem but yet they still want to make remarks, I no longer pay attention to them. I have had my share of heartbreaks, from friends doing me wrong, to getting railroaded by cops, and heartshattering and just disgusting consequences from boyfriends. I've met a few people along the way who helped me through things, listened like I would them, and was there for me which is great and that's the best moments I can and want to remember and sure do think there will be many more. Anywho, life is never easy, no one stays alive forever. I just thank the Lord that I'm alive and so thankful for everyday that I wake up.