Purple Haze Or Utter Confusion?

Seeming much more confused than I used to.
Without adequate sleep I don't know what I need to do,
Making me a lot less reliable than I wish to be.

I desperately want to clear things off my plate
And they keep piling on, what a state.
Partly because I keep raising my hand, stupid me.

I'm trying to swim to the surface, can see the sunlight,
But I just can't break up into the oxygen outright.

Now maybe this is just because I'm getting older,
Or I've still got the widower's brain, that's a twister.

Operating on a much reduced performance level and clout,
My more lucid moments are way below my former capacity.
Sometimes I think a lot of my brain cells have been wiped out,
Then here or there I get a little flash of the former operating mode.

Sometimes I don't seem to know what I need to do,

Feeling overwhelmed when I shouldn't be,
An inability to get going, to even breakthrough,

I find that I perform best when I do things
That don't concern my own life, but for someone else.
When it comes to my own life, I feel utterly  tarnished,
Often paralyzed, thinking is clouded, judgment obscured

And my ability to get things done has vanished.

My mind is always preoccupied
with thoughts of my late husband,
Concentrating not on a single thing.
Like trying to watch two movies at the same time,
Confusing, oh what a crime.

I hope that this is not a predictor of a permanent 'retardation'.
If this ever improves, I hope that 'old age' won't take its place.

I did not chose, but for this I was chosen.

A member of the 'Purple Haze Club'.

Reviews

[Carole]

The "Purple Haze Club!" I have been there...I think all you are talking about is normal, Brenda. I know you said something the other day and it made me realize it hasn't been all that long for you. It can take a few years, but at the moment, it is so fresh...Give yourself permission to grieve, and by all means, if you can...take a break from it all and do something you enjoy. Be gentle with you, hon. On special days, or days that remind you of your husband, plan ahead to do something special. It does help. What was his name?? Writing about it helps so much. :-)

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Brenda-

Oh, the trials and tribulations of getting older. That is why good Muslims just die young! Lol.

Have heart. I suspect that you will have a young, perfectly healthy body all too soon. In the meantime, I hope that you enjoy the wisdom and prudence that considerable life experience gives you. The follies of youth have their costs as well.

I positively loved your metaphor: "Purple Haze!"

Such a brilliant, heartfelt narrative of the experiences and feelings of growing older. Stunning.

I look forward to reading more of your work. :)

-Gabe

[Chillbear Latrigue]

An interesting exploration into the mind of someone who finds themselves overwhelmed. Very good topic. I found the meter to be a little inconsitent in places, but that may have been something that you meant to achieve. I loved the title.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I feel in a purple haze ... this is great.. i so relate. and you are right, seems easier sometimes helping and or worrying about other rather than yourself.. good write.

Chloe
xoxo

[EVERYTHINGyoucantelltoS..]

Seeming much more confused than I used to.
Without adequate sleep I don't know what I need to do,
Making me a lot less reliable than I wish to be.

isnt that the truth... i like the slightly off sheme with the rhyming... the way the thoughts are all jumbled and yet, upon rereading, very orderly, makes it easily relatable... i believe that purple haze is very near cult following... heres to that

[Sara Jean]

other than the passing of your late husband (may he rest in peace). I understand the feeling of everything piling up on your plate. Wondering if you'll ever get the clarity back you once had.

and I'm only 25.


I look forward to reading more of your writing.

[SweetPeachesAlways]

Like trying to watch two movies at the same time,
Confusing, oh what a crime.

LOVED THIS LINE! AND THIS ONE - I did not chose, but for this I was chosen.

Hey, this is different for you and I like it!

(Yes, it's sweetpeachesalways, I'm trying to update my avatar and would you believe this is the one it kept! HAH! Yes, of course, the Cafe is repaired, she said sarcastically!)

[Kristin Brecoe]

haha. i liked this. your voice is slightly humorous. =] your wording is so good. great flow and rhyme and everything.

oh, and i think you mean utter, not otter?

-kristin

[Isaiah Jay]

Great write.

[Sqeaver]

Heartfelt. Wonderful.

[Ladysue]

Your heartfelt words just filledd the page with truth and sadness. This touched my heart. A very powerful write.