Leaving

A Poem by SoulExchanger

I'll always wait for you even if you stop returning to me.

It is unspoken
me in my rocking chair
and you -so calm and temperate
the same question every night
your answer belated
but it’s alright, I know you’ll be back.

I can’t force myself to be forthright
but this excruciating pain overtakes me
this malady I cannot escape
I let it be, for you always come back.

It is a sign of how far we’ve gone
when you are belied by my smile
and you don’t notice my crestfallen glance
I focus on swallowing, and avert my eyes.

When you return,
you’d kiss my check
murmur your apology
give a specious reason
turn away, and head to bed alone

your muscles are taut when you say goodbye
I nod, and note the time.
“be safe,” I whisper, voice dry and small.
I wait for you to leave, then wait for you to return.

but you didn’t. Not that night. Nor the next.
Never allowing any thoughts to
gestate in my mind,
I waited.
You wouldn’t leave.
Even if I had become different.
I could weather through this.

but I didn’t.
I remained there, waiting, like always.
slowly wasting away
and I closed my eyes for a moment
shutting the vision of the trash can out

the one with blood stained tissues.