2 AM thoughts of him

it is about one of my friends who committed suicide. I fought through my grief by writhing.

I loved him. But now I don't even know what I'm doing in his absence. He left and I have to live with it, but I wish he had to live with emptiness, and I was gone. I know that sounds very selfish, but he knows why in my heart there is a hole, and why sometimes I feel like I might die. Be strong my sweet boy, I know you're in heaven to pray for the less powerful and strong as you. To pull the trigger of a gun that has no deadly remorse. you have my disgust but made a brave choice. For the better of you but the worse of your family and friends. You were loved, you know. You were our number three. A beautiful boy that couldn't live without being free so he let himself flow into a dead eternity. One with out love, hope, trust and me. He left me and this country and this world to be free. The slogan of many but the obeyed of few. 

I realized it wasn't a joke that you told me. the night before you cried. that was two nights before you died. I realized it should have never been a joke, or and insult, or a saying for adults. and that is what we are, adults. significantly meaningless with the best intentions for the worst of the best. adults die and that's what you wanted to do so much like me you grew up too soon. Leaving a broken childhood isn't and easy thing, but if you want to end your life with one easy swing of and index finger maybe all the thought of decrepit playset's will linger. thinking of all the things you could have had instead of trying to get those things is much easier than trying to get them.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar. please give feedback so i can change anything

Reviews

[The Standard Poet]

Very deep, and loving. There is some spite underneath it all and although it can be a good tool and a very standard feeling, the amount it comes out leaves me slightly confused as to how I should feel. Do I feel bad for the boy who took his life, am I to understand what the mother feels? What is the most important subject of the two?

[Ashly]

its good, it showed your feelings clearly, it reminds me of my best friend and her sister who died in a car accident late last year, anyways maybe try to give words to your grief in a way your comfortable with not in a way that it feels like its in monotone.

[Christine Vancooney]

Wow, a very intense and compelling write!