torture

you can beat them

I know i used to shake just mentioning the word torture ,I have always been a neat person ,immaculate I care about my looks and everything ,you know even the touch of a stranger makes me shrink .                                                              Then ,only when i was in prison ..i knew what it meant ,keeping you for days without food ..you get used to it ,just lose some pounds ..                                                            But then no water ,starts to get heavy now ..you can take it for a day or two ,but before you collapse you get some sips.
 ..you urinate and else in the same room with dozens of inmates ..                      Now its when they call for you for interrogation ,now this is serious ..but then even that you can manage ..if they put nails in your skin so deep or lift you from you arms, keep you hanging from ceiling for hours ,i dont want to give you nightmares ,well ,here is what i used to do..................... Close your eyes and think of me ..i once knew a very lovely lady she was all graces ,i used to think of her.. and if it did not work i used to degrade myself ,as to think I was not but a bug there,or a rat ,something utterly useless ..I used to let my mind wonder as far as I can.. like to the other side of the world ,like i was not there at all ..                            Actually its only the beginning ,when you feel the brunt of it ,but if you knew how to play it well ,fear is like has never been ..you are among so many of them ,but you feel like you are alone ,in a dream ,and something nagging at you , but like its not real ,never real ..you feel pain agony, all your muscles twitch and hurt ,but its like from so long sleep in a bad position in bed ,and if you hear harsh words ,you cast them away like a voice from afar..                     Once you took in the first impact ,the rest is easy, now you can now open eyes and welcome them again,its like a new coming ,like start rehearsing your part all over again,from the very start .                       Ohhh.. what a happy life ,after that you laugh.. you are numb ,feel nothing ,its like you aneasthetized yourself ,you detached yourself from all surroundings ,you never feel anything now ,especially if their session lengthens ,after a while its as if they are playing with some other body,not yours ,and you are just looking and watching from aside .        They are amazed how well you are taking it ..until some one tells them to stop,or, he says :he will go.                                  Once I was brought down to ground ,from the too much exhuation ,i feel like i am in nice slumber ..                                 The hunger and thirst even more help to me than to them,when i am fast asleep at last i know that today session is over ..till tomorrow......                             Sweet dreams,close your eyes and think of me ,she says,and at last I go into coma I lie there in a coma smiling, you think as its from too much punching,its( now hearing voices),your tummy aches,dear,is it arms dear aching like separating from your body,oh naughty,too strong hugging me love(i hear her laughing),you almost choked me.. a tear drop runs down my face,i feel her lips drinking it before touching ground then like another face ,another sound,mother,come to mama,or come to me baby,mummy i hurt ,or i dont,, i dont know ,baby i ache all over,i feel a breast in my mouth,mama feeding me?,or or its so sweet love close ,I tickling her breast,everything so hazy,as i go back and forth ,faces alternate,as if in twilight ,or coma,or deep sleep,stupor,so deep i keep falling,weightless until i reach...nowhere

Reviews

[Rain]

NO, the truth is never too harsh. This is probably the most powerful account of being in a foreign prison. My friend escaped from an Ethiopia prison and wandered the desert for a week, before some Nomads found him. But, this is and incredible piece, because you describe what the body and mind does to survive. Can I ask who commited this torture ? Everyone here should read this. Without a full grasp of English, you wrote in a way all who reads will understand. Excellent, Moayad

[Tamm31]

I have read this a few times now, trying to get my head around it, I'm honestly not sure where to begin.
It is definitly pretty bloody harsh, but what is the point of writing a true event if you water it down?
This is blatently honest, it delves deep into the mind and exposes the "insanity" that torture creates.
I am thankful you managed to survive this, god bless, whoever yours is.

Tammy.

[bluessadmood]

thank you,life surly has strange ways to show us what it mean to be living..

[Barbara Walker]

My friend, my friend, it makes me so sad that you had to endure this torture. I will never comprehend how people can be so cruel to each other. They are so sick and twisted...I am thankful to God that two people you love came to help you make it through this. This is a truly horrifying account of how they torture not just the physically body, but the emotional and mental torture Wondering what they will do next, how bad it will be, will you survive in body and mind...The hate in this world is mind boggling...I am beyond happy that you made it through this ...I was going to say ordeal, but that doesn't even suffice!

[africa]

Well done.
Very imaginative. And plenty of things going on to enjoy.

[K. Blake]

wow, this is very intense. it sounds like you've went through some torturous times (literally). I can't imagine what that must have been like, but you've helped me get a rather clear picture. amazing and horrifying.

[Jake Donald Stephens]

Parts of this, I can relate to far more than I like. Other parts a friend of mine has experienced, for he was a prisoner of war too (but from the other side I guess). It is a nasty human flaw to want to hurt those different from oneself, but the types who inflict torment and cruelty for pleasure are not people but animals. Yet you, my friend, did not let your captors win by becoming the same as them, you stayed strong and true to yourself and survived to go on and enrich the lives of others, and by god, I have so much respect and admiration for you. Let us not forget all the thousands who suffered at the hands of Hitler, and most of all, when we see those same atrocities happening in our own country, or worse being perpetrated by it, remember that giving in to evil is never the answer. Thanks so much for sharing this my brother, and helping to open all our eyes.

[Sunflower 20]

Wow...there's really no other word to describe it. If this really happened to you than your a very brave person for surviving and sharing. I think people need to realize that stuff like this is happening right now and people need help :(

Again thanks for sharing and I wish you luck with everything.

[Gandré]

This is something what makes me feel fear, even when reading it. It's fear even have an idea of NOT living in a democratic system... This is impossible here.. impossible. Here even German pedophiles get money from our government (100 000 EUR) for being kept in jail in order to protect society, after the regular penalty... Den Haag meant - it's against human rights. Imagine this. In such countries like you experienced it, they put to jail innocent people and nobody cares about them.. what a crime, what an insult! How have you been able to write about it? You must have nightmares. I feel with you.

[Emily Filkins]

I think the word harsh isn't what would fit this..
Its very..imaginative, i guess, i dont know- you can just picture in your head what it is like, and how terrible it is
good amount of detail, nicely written, good job

[Kavish S.M]

This is a heartrending piece to read, and I don't know if 'harsh' is the word but it is absolutely eye-opening. For one, I am against jails (weird I know) but I prefer rehabilitation. I do not think that we have the power to decide over the life of someone. Who are we to prison someone within four walls for years or even for life? Who are we to snatch the right to live from someone? What would have better to do, was put that person in a rehabilitation center and reform him, make him a better person, and then release him. But that's just MY point of view. I know the kind of things that can happen in jails and things they do to prisoners, and you just mentioned some of them above, and this is pure torture, see injustice and inhuman. It should have been named Hell, not jail. And I totally believe you when you say that you feel useless there, it's all they can do .. degrade people, and make them feel like they are worthless, and toys. And you showed through this write that when in painful situations, one do think of closed ones.
A very thought-provoking write.
Well done.

[A.A.Romanczuk]

So much pain lies behind these systematic words...and you speak of detachment...oh..this has..shaken me..I weep for you, I weep for the inhumanity..to do something as you describe..is difficult to comprehend...
oh Blues :/