the pain of trying to stop the heart.

my stomach hurts.
my head hurts.


I am dead tired.
but cannot sleep.
the dreams keep me away.


depressing, annoying, painful.

I want to talk.
I want to cry.
To long.

I thought they would go away.
I thought they had gone away.
I was wrong.

I should never have started.
Friendship feelings were not more.
Now I am hurting them. even if they don't know.

And even if everything went back to they way it was.
I would still have this pain. Because I cannot say a word.
It is unfair. It is not right.

How can one person be so perfect.
Make your heart stop every single time you see them.
How can one person who is so kind.
Make your heart break in every place.

Why does this situation have to be this way.
Why do friends have to come in complicated ways.
And why do I believe in something that is destroying me.
Why does one person believe, even if that makes them more special
to me. It is hard. It is way to much.
Why did I fool myself into thinking the feelings were gone.
They never were. They never truly went away.
I always glanced. I always loved.
Its like a string dancing just outside my reach.
I can have some but not all.

Some relief. But then more pain.
I made it worse for myself.
So, its my fault.
Have to live through it.
Cannot fall to hopeing.
It can never happen.
It will never happen.

Just please go away.
You amazing, painful,
unbelievable feelings.

I cannot handle you anymore.

Reviews

[Will]

Brittany,
You are so brave putting yourself out there and being yourself. I have the greatest respect for you for that reason. Your writing really makes me feel what you are going through. Just keep it up.