Pick em up and lay em down

Pick em up and lay em down

A Poem by Bob Sherunkle
"

No where to go and no one to se

"
I pound the grey slabs,
Rain drops bouncing under my stinging feet.
I have no direction,it doesnt matter,
I'll walk until I wear a hole in one of these fuckers.
Then I'll walk some more.
No direction,it doesnt matter.
I see a bum.I growl in their direction,they growl back.
We understand each other like animals.
I stop,I turn and walk towards them.
They recoil at my size.
I slump down next to them.
I smile showing my tombsone void,we share a moment and a cigarette.
I get up and go,no direction.It doesnt matter.
I am alone,wet and weary.
Where I go or where I end up,no one cares.
You walk by me when I cry anyway.
Just smile at me once in a while.

© 2013 Bob Sherunkle


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Featured Review

Interesting poetic structure! The piece however, is a bit convoluted. You have multiple sentences on the same line (they should be on separate lines unless somehow having them side by side adds to the telling of your story). As well, the notion of "grey slaps" remains a mystery to the reader; what exactly are they?

The mention of "you" in the last stanza seems a very late insertion of a key figure; how does this person come to bear on the persona of the narrator that you have created/established in the preceding stanzas?

I look forward to your future writings!

Cheers,

VK

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bob Sherunkle

10 Years Ago

Thanks VK,
I'll stick to mine,you stick..to yours.Technical improvements don't generally work .. read more
ValyrieKiennan

10 Years Ago

I'm so sorry that you feel I was trying to correct your misfortune. I was under the mistaken assumpt.. read more
Bob Sherunkle

10 Years Ago

PAX,VK..PAX



Reviews

Nice. You convey a day in the life of a jaded homeless person and everyone's indifference well, very deadpan.

Posted 10 Years Ago


The hobo in me (I think I must be at least 40%) really likes and understands this. Regarding other comments, it's the message that I find most important, and on that, you've succeeded splendidly.

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bob Sherunkle

10 Years Ago

Many Thanks Samuel,kind words.
"I smile showing my tombstone void, we share a moment and a cigarette."
I love the nitty-gritty poignancy here. I'm new to the site but impressed so far! Looking forward to catching up with everybody!

Posted 10 Years Ago


Love the earthy tone you have in this. You 'bring it home' so to speak. Good job my friend!

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bob Sherunkle

10 Years Ago

Good man,thanks Tom!
Interesting poetic structure! The piece however, is a bit convoluted. You have multiple sentences on the same line (they should be on separate lines unless somehow having them side by side adds to the telling of your story). As well, the notion of "grey slaps" remains a mystery to the reader; what exactly are they?

The mention of "you" in the last stanza seems a very late insertion of a key figure; how does this person come to bear on the persona of the narrator that you have created/established in the preceding stanzas?

I look forward to your future writings!

Cheers,

VK

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Bob Sherunkle

10 Years Ago

Thanks VK,
I'll stick to mine,you stick..to yours.Technical improvements don't generally work .. read more
ValyrieKiennan

10 Years Ago

I'm so sorry that you feel I was trying to correct your misfortune. I was under the mistaken assumpt.. read more
Bob Sherunkle

10 Years Ago

PAX,VK..PAX

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5 Reviews
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Added on November 23, 2013
Last Updated on November 23, 2013

Author

Bob Sherunkle
Bob Sherunkle

United Kingdom



About
Serial drunkard,despiser of politics and b******s.All round good guy...and yes,that picture is a very bad one of me....Possibly. more..

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